Thank you so much for the critique! It was definitely helpful. I know I don't tend to describe things a lot in my writing and I'd been wondering if that took away from the story at all; I'll keep what you said about it in mind going forward. Re: that one super-long paragraph, it sounds like what I was trying to convey with it didn't really come across, and I definitely could have cut it back, especially if it took you out of the story.