Thank you for your very, very kind words and the whole comment, I'm really grateful for them! I'm sorry I haven't responded earlier, but I wanted to say something more than just "thanks" and underestimated my real life's backlog, so to speak.
But I'm really very grateful for your comment - and I'm happy you picked something shorter and from the fandom I rarely writes, actually, and you chose a story I like very much, so I was glad to read about the ways I could make it better (even if, obviously, because it's an exchange fic, I'm not going to be able to include all your comments in it - e.g. you're totally right and now I wish I'd develop Hector-Andromache relationship more, even in a background and just few suggestive lines, but I'm not sure how recipient feels about this ship and either way, I think it would not be fair to add so much so late after reveals, when they probably won't see it).
You know, you and someone else both liked my beginnings, which was a surprise for me - but of course a pleasant one - because I always have felt like they're pretty weak. Perhaps it's because I read all of my beginnings and saw the same tricks I pull over and over again - and your reaction told me it's not so irritating for the readers, since they're only thinking of them in the context of the one specific story (or even a one-two specific fandom). This made me feel so much better about the part of my writing I was unsure of!
Thank you for the grammar corrections - I obviously can't discuss them in any way, but actually, I'm very happy that sometimes I apparently manage to get English rhythm right and that stylistic devices I use(d) work(ed) mostly as I intend(ed), it means a lot for me.
"So Helen is surprised and hurt..." lands on a register that's more casual for me, which dilutes the impact.
Ah, if it's casual, then I can see how it dilutes the impact, yes - are there any other, more formal, but not completely archaic/over the top words you'd suggest instead?
To be allowed on the walls? Being set off in a new paragraph makes it seem like there's a deeper meaning I'm not catching.
Oh yes, this was the meaning intended! And I think you're right, it'd be clearer in the same paragraph. It's one of the things I struggle, because my betas, but also stylistic guidelines for English seems to have different standards for how much narrative is allowed to go in the same paragraph as the dialogue. ;) Is it only one line? One-three lines, if they're connected? As many lines as you'd like as long as they're connected to the subject/dialogue itself? Do all the rules apply to fiction, which should be artsy and "free" by definition, at all? Etc., etc. XD
I really like the rhythm of Hector's final lines, the bang of "it'll be Elysium".
And it's pretty sad he won't get that Elysium, I think - because Troy will fall and nothing of its glory will remain (unless we count Rome, but no, I don't think it'd be enough for Hector).
It was definitely very helpful and perceptive, and made me incredibly happy - thank you! <3 <3 <3
Re: Ancient Greek Religion & Lore: A Wrinkle (a path to trace)
Thank you for your very, very kind words and the whole comment, I'm really grateful for them! I'm sorry I haven't responded earlier, but I wanted to say something more than just "thanks" and underestimated my real life's backlog, so to speak.
But I'm really very grateful for your comment - and I'm happy you picked something shorter and from the fandom I rarely writes, actually, and you chose a story I like very much, so I was glad to read about the ways I could make it better (even if, obviously, because it's an exchange fic, I'm not going to be able to include all your comments in it - e.g. you're totally right and now I wish I'd develop Hector-Andromache relationship more, even in a background and just few suggestive lines, but I'm not sure how recipient feels about this ship and either way, I think it would not be fair to add so much so late after reveals, when they probably won't see it).
You know, you and someone else both liked my beginnings, which was a surprise for me - but of course a pleasant one - because I always have felt like they're pretty weak. Perhaps it's because I read all of my beginnings and saw the same tricks I pull over and over again - and your reaction told me it's not so irritating for the readers, since they're only thinking of them in the context of the one specific story (or even a one-two specific fandom). This made me feel so much better about the part of my writing I was unsure of!
Thank you for the grammar corrections - I obviously can't discuss them in any way, but actually, I'm very happy that sometimes I apparently manage to get English rhythm right and that stylistic devices I use(d) work(ed) mostly as I intend(ed), it means a lot for me.
"So Helen is surprised and hurt..." lands on a register that's more casual for me, which dilutes the impact.
Ah, if it's casual, then I can see how it dilutes the impact, yes - are there any other, more formal, but not completely archaic/over the top words you'd suggest instead?
To be allowed on the walls? Being set off in a new paragraph makes it seem like there's a deeper meaning I'm not catching.
Oh yes, this was the meaning intended! And I think you're right, it'd be clearer in the same paragraph. It's one of the things I struggle, because my betas, but also stylistic guidelines for English seems to have different standards for how much narrative is allowed to go in the same paragraph as the dialogue. ;) Is it only one line? One-three lines, if they're connected? As many lines as you'd like as long as they're connected to the subject/dialogue itself? Do all the rules apply to fiction, which should be artsy and "free" by definition, at all? Etc., etc. XD
I really like the rhythm of Hector's final lines, the bang of "it'll be Elysium".
And it's pretty sad he won't get that Elysium, I think - because Troy will fall and nothing of its glory will remain (unless we count Rome, but no, I don't think it'd be enough for Hector).
It was definitely very helpful and perceptive, and made me incredibly happy - thank you! <3 <3 <3