eyeballboba (
eyeballboba) wrote in
concrit_x2022-06-24 09:18 am
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Concrit for eyeballboba
I want to receive feedback by : Comments on AO3 (anon is fine), or on this post.
Here are the works I want feedback on: Anything on my AO3!
My works' fandoms and content notes are: The archive warnings + some more should be tagged per fic, and there's a range from G to E, but I would like to note that I'm not generally a fluff person. A few of my fandoms are OMORI, Pokemon, Hollow Knight, We Know the Devil, Boyfriend to Death, and Original Work.
I have these questions for readers: I cannot guarantee edits that change the story or major beats, but I would love to hear about those and whether they worked or not! And I'm always happy to get SPAG corrections or line-by-lines, as well as advice, and feedback for things I may not have considered. Right now I'm focused on incorporating feedback into new works rather than perfecting existing pieces, so I will happily receive prompts or requests if my writing inspires you to do so as well.
The style of feedback I prefer to receive is: Any observations or thoughts of any kind! First impressions, what stood out to you, noticed patterns intentional or not, how characters or other story elements came off as, for the twine game what choices you made, and so on. Direct and blunt is fine, asking questions or not understanding is also fine. Praise is nice, but I don't mind negativity either. You can't go wrong with the content of your feedback for me.
Comments to this post will be: Unscreened
Here are the works I want feedback on: Anything on my AO3!
My works' fandoms and content notes are: The archive warnings + some more should be tagged per fic, and there's a range from G to E, but I would like to note that I'm not generally a fluff person. A few of my fandoms are OMORI, Pokemon, Hollow Knight, We Know the Devil, Boyfriend to Death, and Original Work.
I have these questions for readers: I cannot guarantee edits that change the story or major beats, but I would love to hear about those and whether they worked or not! And I'm always happy to get SPAG corrections or line-by-lines, as well as advice, and feedback for things I may not have considered. Right now I'm focused on incorporating feedback into new works rather than perfecting existing pieces, so I will happily receive prompts or requests if my writing inspires you to do so as well.
The style of feedback I prefer to receive is: Any observations or thoughts of any kind! First impressions, what stood out to you, noticed patterns intentional or not, how characters or other story elements came off as, for the twine game what choices you made, and so on. Direct and blunt is fine, asking questions or not understanding is also fine. Praise is nice, but I don't mind negativity either. You can't go wrong with the content of your feedback for me.
Comments to this post will be: Unscreened
no subject
Perpetuity
Personification
Headache
- I am opening up all the flower descriptions on most attempts. Does it make a difference if you stop and smell the roses?
- Yeah, if the trees don't like the bag, I can't imagine they'd like an entire metal can of a common brand of tea. And only $1.99? Come ON, protag! Put some damn effort into your offerings! That's probably why the spirits keep getting angry with you! Make them some some damn cookies, or bring some rare fruit, or at least play them a song or something! Geez. I wonder if they even looked this place up more than "hey, this place has a spooky altar wooo~" Maybe they'd actually bring a good offering if they did. Or perhaps know better not to go at all.
- Buuuuuut maybe the spirits like tea, so I could be completely wrong. Let's find out.
- Uh, okay. That reaction is disturbing. And in a different way than with the bag of apples. The trees seem almost horrified with the offering. Or perhaps embarrassed. I mean, that's fair.
- I wonder...the high pitched unnatural sound...could it be in response to the unnatural gift?
- Okay, both a path and a drop are clickable. I'm wondering if this is a choice or just flavor text. In case it's a choice and I'm being deceived (meaning the path actually leads to the drop), I'm gonna click the drop...
- "You lean away from the drop." Hm. I'm not sure if that's going to help or it's just another "can't do that" like with turning back at the beginning. Let's see...
- Well, we're at the bridge, and it's not horrifying like it was with the apples. That's a good sign...or I'm being lulled into a false sense of security.
- "your brain dashed to matter against the rocks." um is that LITERAL??? Or just a horrifying and visceral description of how bad the head pain is?
- Okay, just a description. But it looks like I'm still about to die.
- Or...not?
- OHHHHH, this is where the flowers are important! Or are they? Nevertheless, gonna check the descriptions. I believe we first encountered poppies, so that might be the way out.
- Oh fuck, they're all grey. So the location may have been important instead. If so, that was some nice misdirection at the beginning. I approve. I'm gonna do roots because we originally entered under a bush. If I fail here, I am taking a screenshot of the flower page for my next attempt.
- "Ending: Headache" Welp, that didn't work. Also, I laughed at the dark comedy with "headache". Now the brain being dashed against the rocks IS literal!
- ONE MORE TIME.
- Wait Wait Wait! The intro is different!
Final- Ah, we're different character now. And I'm taking Moron's finger. I wonder if the trees craved human remains as their sacrifice and that's what I'm going to do with it.
- Ohhh! Okay, there is also a corpse in the river, too. So, the different offerings were by different people. And yet, they were all so stupid. :'(
- "Ending: Final" All right, so I think I've got all of the endings. I wonder if there's a significance with the final offering being a finger, heart, and eyeball? I feel like there might be, but it's escaping me right now. Anyway, I think that might be all the game has to offer, so I'll stop here.
Overall thoughts to come...(no subject)
Thank you!!!
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