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concrit_x2020-08-05 06:19 pm
lirin_lirilla) wrote in concrit_x2020-08-05 06:19 pm
Entry tags:
Concrit for lirin
I want to receive feedback by: Email (lirin.lirilla@gmail.com) or comment on this post
Here are the works I want feedback on: Anything on my AO3 written 2017 or later, except for (single/double/triple/sequences of) drabbles. AO3 link with earlier works & drabbles filtered out
My works' fandoms and content notes are: Vastly assorted, mostly book fandoms, mostly gen, mostly G-rated, quite a few crossovers. The fandoms I've written in the most are: Oxford Time Travel Universe - Connie Willis, The Scarlet Pimpernel - Baroness Orczy, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, White Collar, Marvel Cinematic Universe.
I have these questions for readers: I'm very interested to hear whatever thoughts you have on the story you choose, but in case you need more to work from, here's some general questions that you can take or leave as you wish.
What did you think of my title, summary, and/or tags? Is the ending strong enough, & what could I have done to make it stronger? Does the story feel the right length, or do you think it needed to be longer or shorter (and if so, in what way—cutting/adding scenes, or different pacing)? Did I start the story at a good point, or should I have started it later (was there too much setup? should I have started in medias res and flashed back?) or should I have started it earlier (in which case what did you feel was missing?)? How's my pacing? How's my balance of dialogue vs. description? For extended dialogue passages, is the choreography of the characters' actions okay or do they need to be doing more or less? For fics in tight third (which is most of them), were there any points where you were unclear on whose POV it was? Do you think I chose the right POV to write the fic from, or you do think a different character's would have been better? If there are any OCs in the fic, what did you think of what I did with them?
I would prefer gentle (5) or direct (1) feedback, or something in between: (3) something in the middle; I'd like to hear what you liked and not just what you didn't, and I'd prefer if you weren't too blunt about it, but I'm okay with you throwing a whole bunch of "here's what you need to do better" at me.
Comments are unscreened.
Here are the works I want feedback on: Anything on my AO3 written 2017 or later, except for (single/double/triple/sequences of) drabbles. AO3 link with earlier works & drabbles filtered out
My works' fandoms and content notes are: Vastly assorted, mostly book fandoms, mostly gen, mostly G-rated, quite a few crossovers. The fandoms I've written in the most are: Oxford Time Travel Universe - Connie Willis, The Scarlet Pimpernel - Baroness Orczy, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, White Collar, Marvel Cinematic Universe.
I have these questions for readers: I'm very interested to hear whatever thoughts you have on the story you choose, but in case you need more to work from, here's some general questions that you can take or leave as you wish.
What did you think of my title, summary, and/or tags? Is the ending strong enough, & what could I have done to make it stronger? Does the story feel the right length, or do you think it needed to be longer or shorter (and if so, in what way—cutting/adding scenes, or different pacing)? Did I start the story at a good point, or should I have started it later (was there too much setup? should I have started in medias res and flashed back?) or should I have started it earlier (in which case what did you feel was missing?)? How's my pacing? How's my balance of dialogue vs. description? For extended dialogue passages, is the choreography of the characters' actions okay or do they need to be doing more or less? For fics in tight third (which is most of them), were there any points where you were unclear on whose POV it was? Do you think I chose the right POV to write the fic from, or you do think a different character's would have been better? If there are any OCs in the fic, what did you think of what I did with them?
I would prefer gentle (5) or direct (1) feedback, or something in between: (3) something in the middle; I'd like to hear what you liked and not just what you didn't, and I'd prefer if you weren't too blunt about it, but I'm okay with you throwing a whole bunch of "here's what you need to do better" at me.
Comments are unscreened.
no subject
Fave lines:
- She'd have to sniff the ingredients in their next class and see if there was something appropriate that she could spill on the book. Just a dab at the top of the spine should be enough.
- "Is it?" The Grey Lady looked around at the dark corridor. "Perhaps that's why I like it so much."
- Luna had hoped that Grace would be her first friend at Hogwarts, but she would just have to be her second friend instead.
The fic as a whole doesn't sport any breathtaking expressions or disarming turns of phrase, but it's told from eleven-year-old Luna's POV, so it doesn't need them. I think this style works very well for the story, except maybe you lean too heavily on dialogue toward the end - a few more descriptions would help to set the mood or atmosphere. Also, I am not 100% convinced about this, but I have the feeling the fic is too skewed toward Luna in general - perhaps you could emphasize the things Grey Lady is getting out of this just a tad more (books, supernatural advice, a third thing)?
I just spotted a couple of SPAG errors: I always thought that lessons and studying was such a slow way to learn (should be "were") and Hopefully, there would be no more wrackspurts than there were people ("wrackspurts" needs a capital W).
Beautiful story! Thanks for sharing!