I always adore a good, old-fashioned Enjolras gangbang, and this is a really wonderful take on that sub-genre.
What is your overall impression?: This is very well-done Enjolras whump, and has all of the key elements: Enjolras remaining stoic and principled throughout even as he breaks a little, an absolute onslaught of dicks, despoiling of Enjolras' virginity, leering mentions of Enjolras' prettiness, and deliciously degrading dirty talk. The grueling length of Enjolras' ordeal comes through very clearly, although some of the descriptions feel a little rushed and hollow, sometimes reading more as a summary than prose.
Does anything stand out as particularly effective or well done?: The most remarkable element of the fic is how clearly Enjolras' character shines through. Right from the start, we see Enjolras' pragmatic competence, care for his friends, and dedication to the revolution shine through as he gets a bearing on his situation. You made it clear how brutally the guards and the Patron-Minette had to abuse him to even begin breaking aware at his stoicism and single-mindedness, and even at the worst of his torment, you made sure he kept some of his fire.
I especially liked this line during Enjolras' beating. The specificity of it and the way it ties into both Enjolras' ideals and his friends works very powerfully. They asked for plans, and he spoke of Combeferre’s dreams of Progress. They demanded names, and Enjolras remembered ancient defenders of the People from Grantaire’s old ramblings. They called him traitor and sought his sworn allegiance, and he quoted Paine.
You convey the physical brutality of the rape and how endless an ordeal it is for Enjolras very well, and the idea to have him "rescued" from the National Guard by the Patron-Minette is a brilliant way to add additional whump.
The dirty talk was also especially well-done, although that could just be my own tastes shining through. I love seeing Enjolras being so thoroughly degraded, and the verbal humiliation you have thrown at him is lovely.
I also adore the idea of working in "Do you permit it?" when Enjolras is finally rescued by his friends. After such an intense fic, the warmth and relief and joy between Enjolras and his friends lands very well, and that line is a very fun way to twist a line that is so bittersweet in canon.
How are the character voices?: Enjolras' POV voice was very well-done, although there were a few moments in the narration where the voice seemed to slip from his POV to either the guards' POV or the audience's:
The instructions continued, the others joining in to teach him how to suck cock. This felt more in line with what the guards or the audience would say, as opposed to how Enjolras would view the situation. (That said, the idea of having them teach Enjolras to suck cock is brilliant.)
In this silent, empty building, he was neither revolutionary nor political prisoner. They’d turned him into their personal fucktoy. While I absolutely adore this degrading and dehumanizing language, it feels a bit jarring in Enjolras' POV. Maybe a way to work it in more naturally would be to have it framed more explicitly as the guards' language.
Montparnasse's voice was also very well-done, and his cruelty carried through very nicely. Later on, the warmth in the voices of all Enjolras' friends was so thoroughly palpable.
The voices of the National Guard were not particularly distinct from one another, but that can be a benefit or a drawback, depending on what you're going for.
How do you feel about the pacing? Is anything too meandering, or too rushed?:
The pacing early on in the fic worked very nicely, giving room for the reader to take in all that Enjolras is experiencing without letting the action drag. However, around the time when Enjolras gets spit-roasted through to the end of the fic, a lot of the actions feel like they are skimmed over in summary, rather than given room to grow into the brutal potential you have set up. Later on, more grounding details about Enjolras' physical and emotional state (the more specific and less generic, the better) could help to make the acts feel less summarized. I felt like this was especially the case when the Patron-Minette was selling Enjolras' body.
Besides the forced prostitution, some other moments with a lot of potential that could benefit from a slower pace and more visceral and emotional details include:
They called him slut and cunt and spat on him as he trembled. There is a lot of wonderful nastiness happening in this line, but it is such a short line moment that the audience doesn't really get the chance to revel in the brutality of it! Spreading out the actions a little bit would benefit. Maybe by dwelling on Enjolras' reaction to the degradation a bit more, the pain of being called a slut as they rape him, the disgust and humiliation as he feels the wet spit on his bare skin, whether the trembling is from the trauma he is enduring or simply his body being used to exhaustion.
The moment when they undress Enjolras could use some more expansion to build up tension, anticipation, and fear, as well as revel in Enjolras being exposed and made vulnerable in a way he wasn't before. (And maybe it could be a good opportunity for the guards to leer at his naked body, throwing around a few degrading comments.)
The burn as his throat was forced open and filled was unlike anything Enjolras had felt before. As the guard begins deepthroating Enjolras, a more specific description of the sensations would build up the intensity of the rape even more. The setup is so wonderfully brutal, but the description feels a bit vague.
I loved the part where Enjolras having his mouth fucked is intercut with him rather purposefully dissociating to think of his friends, but the contrast between where his body is and where his mind is would be even starker with more vivid descriptions of what is being done to Enjolras' body.
Does the ending feel complete and earned?: I felt that the ending was very well-earned after the intensity of all that came before it, especially because you made sure to keep Enjolras' friends constantly in his mind. You emphasized the love and friendship they all share very well and very consistently throughout the story, and it made the final rescue immensely satisfying.
Anything else you feel could be improved?: Overall, I think one of the most consistent areas to focus on would be adding more grounding, visceral details throughout the fic, especially during the rapes. There are parts where you do dig in a bit more to the physical and emotional agony of the rapes.
For example: The rigid shaft sawed in and out of his throat with dizzying speed. Enjolras choked, throat muscles spasming as he swallowed and gagged, trying desperately to relieve the pain. His vision blurred as air became scarce, and still the man took his pleasure.
This is such a stunning line. It is clear, visceral, and brutal. Working in more vivid descriptions like this (as well as more emotional details as Enjolras endures the assaults) could really elevate and intensify an already fantastic fic!
Concrit for Captured Liberty
What is your overall impression?: This is very well-done Enjolras whump, and has all of the key elements: Enjolras remaining stoic and principled throughout even as he breaks a little, an absolute onslaught of dicks, despoiling of Enjolras' virginity, leering mentions of Enjolras' prettiness, and deliciously degrading dirty talk. The grueling length of Enjolras' ordeal comes through very clearly, although some of the descriptions feel a little rushed and hollow, sometimes reading more as a summary than prose.
Does anything stand out as particularly effective or well done?: The most remarkable element of the fic is how clearly Enjolras' character shines through. Right from the start, we see Enjolras' pragmatic competence, care for his friends, and dedication to the revolution shine through as he gets a bearing on his situation. You made it clear how brutally the guards and the Patron-Minette had to abuse him to even begin breaking aware at his stoicism and single-mindedness, and even at the worst of his torment, you made sure he kept some of his fire.
I especially liked this line during Enjolras' beating. The specificity of it and the way it ties into both Enjolras' ideals and his friends works very powerfully. They asked for plans, and he spoke of Combeferre’s dreams of Progress. They demanded names, and Enjolras remembered ancient defenders of the People from Grantaire’s old ramblings. They called him traitor and sought his sworn allegiance, and he quoted Paine.
You convey the physical brutality of the rape and how endless an ordeal it is for Enjolras very well, and the idea to have him "rescued" from the National Guard by the Patron-Minette is a brilliant way to add additional whump.
The dirty talk was also especially well-done, although that could just be my own tastes shining through. I love seeing Enjolras being so thoroughly degraded, and the verbal humiliation you have thrown at him is lovely.
I also adore the idea of working in "Do you permit it?" when Enjolras is finally rescued by his friends. After such an intense fic, the warmth and relief and joy between Enjolras and his friends lands very well, and that line is a very fun way to twist a line that is so bittersweet in canon.
How are the character voices?: Enjolras' POV voice was very well-done, although there were a few moments in the narration where the voice seemed to slip from his POV to either the guards' POV or the audience's:
The instructions continued, the others joining in to teach him how to suck cock. This felt more in line with what the guards or the audience would say, as opposed to how Enjolras would view the situation. (That said, the idea of having them teach Enjolras to suck cock is brilliant.)
In this silent, empty building, he was neither revolutionary nor political prisoner. They’d turned him into their personal fucktoy. While I absolutely adore this degrading and dehumanizing language, it feels a bit jarring in Enjolras' POV. Maybe a way to work it in more naturally would be to have it framed more explicitly as the guards' language.
Montparnasse's voice was also very well-done, and his cruelty carried through very nicely. Later on, the warmth in the voices of all Enjolras' friends was so thoroughly palpable.
The voices of the National Guard were not particularly distinct from one another, but that can be a benefit or a drawback, depending on what you're going for.
How do you feel about the pacing? Is anything too meandering, or too rushed?:
The pacing early on in the fic worked very nicely, giving room for the reader to take in all that Enjolras is experiencing without letting the action drag. However, around the time when Enjolras gets spit-roasted through to the end of the fic, a lot of the actions feel like they are skimmed over in summary, rather than given room to grow into the brutal potential you have set up. Later on, more grounding details about Enjolras' physical and emotional state (the more specific and less generic, the better) could help to make the acts feel less summarized. I felt like this was especially the case when the Patron-Minette was selling Enjolras' body.
Besides the forced prostitution, some other moments with a lot of potential that could benefit from a slower pace and more visceral and emotional details include:
Does the ending feel complete and earned?: I felt that the ending was very well-earned after the intensity of all that came before it, especially because you made sure to keep Enjolras' friends constantly in his mind. You emphasized the love and friendship they all share very well and very consistently throughout the story, and it made the final rescue immensely satisfying.
Anything else you feel could be improved?: Overall, I think one of the most consistent areas to focus on would be adding more grounding, visceral details throughout the fic, especially during the rapes. There are parts where you do dig in a bit more to the physical and emotional agony of the rapes.
For example: The rigid shaft sawed in and out of his throat with dizzying speed. Enjolras choked, throat muscles spasming as he swallowed and gagged, trying desperately to relieve the pain. His vision blurred as air became scarce, and still the man took his pleasure.
This is such a stunning line. It is clear, visceral, and brutal. Working in more vivid descriptions like this (as well as more emotional details as Enjolras endures the assaults) could really elevate and intensify an already fantastic fic!