Concrit for Filigranka

[filigranka]

I want to receive feedback by:
- Comment on my DW post in this community
- Comment where the work is published
- tumblr message (I’m Filigranka there)
- if you know me on other fandom platform, like discord, and prefer to reach me there, it’s fine.

Here are the works I want feedback on (optional: and my safe works are...):
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filigranka - I have no safe works, feel free to comment on anything, drabbles. I write in Polish&English.

My works' fandoms and content notes are:
I write everything, from gen, fluff,worldbuilding and crack to very dark fics, including extreme underage, incest, non-con, torture, porn, unhealthy relationships, politics, black and black morality etc. – do, please, mind the warnings, tags and author’s notes.

My main fandoms in English are The Witcher (games), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Final Fantasy VII, Chronicles of Amber, Harry Potter, Silmarillion… But I’ve written single ficlets for other fandoms, too.

I have these questions for readers:
Any kind of feedback will be appreciated, but a general “SPAG mistakes” alone wouldn’t help me much, without examples or explanation of a specific SPAG problem.

Any comments about where I could have put more descriptions (and how to do it) would be very appreciated. I struggle with summaries, tags and titles a lot and will gladly take any advice about them.

I love all comments, including the formal, style-oriented, sentence-level ones, focused on the sentence flow, phonetics, grammar, paragraph structure, repetitions etc., so if you feel like going all nitpicky, don't restrain yourself. Also, if it’s possible, it’d be help me if the comment mentioned the better parts and aspects of my fics, too. I can make a long list of the things I do wrong, but I have no idea what, if anything, I do right.

I like chatting in comments, so I’ll gladly read (and reply to) any interpretations, views of the characters and their relationships, digressions and side-discussions about worldbuilding, charactes or canon. Or your stream-of-consciousness-like impression about the fic.

Side-note: I love drabbles, getting a con-crit-treat on them would be just as awesome as critique on longer works.

I would prefer gentle (5) or direct (1) feedback, or something in between:
5-1, anything is fine.

Comments

[withinadream]

I kept my eye out for places to increase descriptions throughout, but I think this fic did a great job of that, especially the descriptions of Kylo. The overall structure and bigger-picture characteristics were all wonderful, so I stuck to more SPAG and phrasing-focused comments.

‘I wonder if you hadn’t tried to get me killed, so I’d wait for you in the afterlife. Or as a sacrifice. On some prophetical whim of yours. Like a true emperor, buried with his servants, spouses and pets. And now, now you’re just finishing your job… And of course, you don’t even have decency to make it quick.’

Great beginning. The breathless and feverish tone of Hux's narration is also excellent.

Except through his entire life, Ren had never really seemed to be so glowingglow as he did now, this pale face of his sunken in some darn corona of light, now.

^Some suggestions for phrasing

I like the juxtaposition of prince Kylo vs Hux with his very un-princely ! (One note, "crown prince" sounds more natural to my ear)

He’d managed to shelter in a huge building, looking like a temple or a tomb, (it looked like a temple or a tomb),...

^Phrasing suggestion

He wished for one of Jakku’s poisons, the one which brought nice sleep or pleasant fantasies, but he doubted Ren’d know how to make one.

^There's a few spots throughout the fic where you've used present tense instead of past, I've pulled one out here and corrected it in bold.

The ship dynamic was great, I loved Hux's constant internal calculations trying to explain Ren's actions. And the ending was a perfect fit to that overall dynamic!

Please let me know if there's anything you want me to elaborate on or if you'd like me to take a second pass to look for something in particular, I'm happy to!

[filigranka]

Awww, thank you, especially about the nice words about the structure and ship dynamics. I definitely prefer Kylo and Hux to be at least constantly on edge in each other's presence (if not downright enemies or non-con shipping, which I like, too) and for Hux not to forget the past abuse (him being to tuned to Kylo's gestures and moods, and constantly alarmed in his presence, expecting some sort of punishment is the best shippy stuff for me, especially in the context of Hux's father, around whom, I bet, Armitage was exactly the same. mymymy, so many daddy issues all around :D - but that's only one facet I like, I like trying different things for my fav pairings), so I'm incredibly happy that you liked it! <3

I definitely have the problem with tense-switching, I'm fighting a continuous battle with it (I see some progress, even! ;)). in Polish, mixing tenses is how we convey some time-relations between events and while intellectually I know it's something which is a big NO in English grammar, I still do it. Or sometimes I just made a typo and forget the "-ed", I admit. I will give this fic another pass and try to catch as many instances of it as I can, thank you for the notice!

Thank you very, very much, especially (but only, of course) for the praise of my beginning - I tend to think of my openings as weak, but perhaps it's because I think of them all, at some general writer level, and get irritated that I use a few same-y tricks/devices. The comments in this round, all praising my openings, helped me realised it doesn't really matter so much for the reader - if a device works, then it works, even it it's not most original rhetoric figure. It gave a big boost in self-confidence, thank you very, very much!