I'm still swamped at work but STILL. I said I'd get back to you and get back to you I will.
The Xanax metaphor was smth I took out and then put back in because while it's... not exactly a clear metaphor, I did like how it sounded. It's reassuring to know both that it worked and that my 'hmmm does this make sense?' doubts were correct. I'm also glad that the flow works because I always feel it sounds very clunky.
Regarding the 'his head lashes back' part, that's just my ESL brain mixing up words. >.< I meant smth like... recoil, I think.
The other thing I'm like. extremely glad it worked is the sense that this is a - a weird situation that's bad BDSM b - but they both want it. Because it's a difficult line to write about.
(I did several minor edits as well.)
The summary is... idk if misleading, but it's short enough that I didn't know how to describe it without giving everything away.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: You Look So Much Better When I Punch You - concrit
Date: 2020-10-15 12:33 am (UTC)The Xanax metaphor was smth I took out and then put back in because while it's... not exactly a clear metaphor, I did like how it sounded. It's reassuring to know both that it worked and that my 'hmmm does this make sense?' doubts were correct. I'm also glad that the flow works because I always feel it sounds very clunky.
Regarding the 'his head lashes back' part, that's just my ESL brain mixing up words. >.< I meant smth like... recoil, I think.
The other thing I'm like. extremely glad it worked is the sense that this is a - a weird situation that's bad BDSM b - but they both want it. Because it's a difficult line to write about.
(I did several minor edits as well.)
The summary is... idk if misleading, but it's short enough that I didn't know how to describe it without giving everything away.