ahhhhh, friend, i love this so much. thank you! and thank you for picking the most drama-heavy fic of them ♥ i finished it so, so late, into the dead of fandom that moved on, and i just - really appreciated that.
i'm going to to meditate a lot over all those commas, and i have a separate grammar question crying for your help in the discord; there's a handful of stuff that are mostly canon-compliant because VME is a crazy place (lauren is a teenager genius hacker who's chained up in the vatican basement, he's that much of a dramatic asshole and also he's obsessed with hiraga and would like roberto to drop down into the well; they usually investigate miracles like crying statues and (cocaine) visions, but i don't remember if they actually audited a real saint; the talk about miracles is the show tagline and a bit of Anime Catholicism; Roberto IS that bad with his self-esteem. also i could've sworn i lifted 'unexplainable and durable' out of the article on vatican-approved miraculous healings, but i'm googling now and i can't find it, so it's possible it was all a dream.)
the thing i really, really love about your concrit, and that i'm going to really think about is that you notice a handful of shortcuts i use (or invent and use) for covering up either things i do badly or the things i'm not interested in doing (like baby artists painting people with their hands behind their back), and all the bits where generalities paper over the specifics, because sometimes i do it without thinking, or because i'm caught up in a certain... there's a very seductive cadence to cliches in english, you know? to my ear, anyway. and there's a certain amount of cost/benefit to me in writing fic, where sometimes i think 'yes i can expand but it's not worth it', but i'm also circling my poor zinnia and sparrow, trying to screw my courage together to make them into a coherent, no excuses story, and this is where i need to avoid, you know. all of this. paint the hands and the folds and fill in the background and everything. so! yes. and yes.
(and i always incredibly value when you put down the distinction between 'this works for me' and 'this doesn't work for me but works for h/c' and 'this doesn't work at all', it's ssssso good and right, and it always makes me think, even when i ultimately disagree. the best posible crit.)
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timeasmymeasure
Re: create in me a clean heart
Date: 2021-05-07 05:00 pm (UTC)i'm going to to meditate a lot over all those commas, and i have a separate grammar question crying for your help in the discord; there's a handful of stuff that are mostly canon-compliant because VME is a crazy place (lauren is a teenager genius hacker who's chained up in the vatican basement, he's that much of a dramatic asshole and also he's obsessed with hiraga and would like roberto to drop down into the well; they usually investigate miracles like crying statues and (cocaine) visions, but i don't remember if they actually audited a real saint; the talk about miracles is the show tagline and a bit of Anime Catholicism; Roberto IS that bad with his self-esteem. also i could've sworn i lifted 'unexplainable and durable' out of the article on vatican-approved miraculous healings, but i'm googling now and i can't find it, so it's possible it was all a dream.)
the thing i really, really love about your concrit, and that i'm going to really think about is that you notice a handful of shortcuts i use (or invent and use) for covering up either things i do badly or the things i'm not interested in doing (like baby artists painting people with their hands behind their back), and all the bits where generalities paper over the specifics, because sometimes i do it without thinking, or because i'm caught up in a certain... there's a very seductive cadence to cliches in english, you know? to my ear, anyway. and there's a certain amount of cost/benefit to me in writing fic, where sometimes i think 'yes i can expand but it's not worth it', but i'm also circling my poor zinnia and sparrow, trying to screw my courage together to make them into a coherent, no excuses story, and this is where i need to avoid, you know. all of this. paint the hands and the folds and fill in the background and everything. so! yes. and yes.
(and i always incredibly value when you put down the distinction between 'this works for me' and 'this doesn't work for me but works for h/c' and 'this doesn't work at all', it's ssssso good and right, and it always makes me think, even when i ultimately disagree. the best posible crit.)
thank you so, so much ♥