Concrit for azurrys

[azurrys]

I want to receive feedback by: Comments on this post, where the work is published, or by email are all fine!
Email - infwhsyms@outlook.com

Here are the works I want feedback on (optional: and my safe works are...): Any fics posted on my main AO3 pseud from 2018 or later, excluding Smoke and Metal, Freeze Shock and More Than Clothes; here is a filtered view.

I would be especially interested in feedback on any of the following works:

A Good Brother (Genshin Impact, E, 2.6k)

Noblesse Oblige (Genshin Impact, E, 8.5k)

Safe Harbour (Kamen Rider Amazons, G, 3.1k)

Paradise Lost (Granblue Fantasy, E, 5k)

Vessel of Bonds (Granblue Fantasy, T, 10.6k)

If you're down for something longer, I would absolutely love feedback on my ongoing WIP! It's one of my few non-exchange fics and is my first attempt at sustaining a long plot — I would be really interested in hearing any thoughts on it. Please don't feel obligated to read the whole thing; up to wherever you want to stop is totally fine (and I'm also very interested in hearing when/why you decided to stop, if you drop it midway).

Memory of Dust (Genshin Impact, T, 18k - averages 2-4k per chapter, currently 5 chapters posted)

My works' fandoms and content notes are: Primarily Granblue Fantasy and Genshin Impact, which have 10+ works each; other fandoms include Original Work, Prince of Tennis, Idol Producer/Nine Percent, Fire Emblem Awakening and Kamen Rider Amazons, and have 1-2 works each. Content notes and archive warnings are tagged individually per fic. The explicit fics include works which feature consent issues or tagged incest pairings.

I have these questions for readers:

if you're familiar with the fandom, I'd be very interested in hearing any impressions on characterisation/voices/portrayal. I tend to vary characterisation and dynamics across different works, but are the characters internally consistent within the fic?

I would also love any feedback on titles, summaries and tags — do they seem relevant or interesting? Is there anything I've failed to tag for that should be tagged?

What do you find most memorable about the work, if anything? If nothing in particular sticks out, I'd like to hear that as well!

For fics with multiple scenes/more complex setups, is there anything confusing about the setup or plot, or something in the setting that seems to be underexplained? Do the scene breaks and transitions flow well, or are there any which feel abrupt/confusing?

I tend to write relatively similar kinks across the board. Does this come off as repetitive or same-y? Do the kink(s) overwhelm the characterisation? I write a lot of M/M porn and I worry sometimes about falling into the ATG/any two guys pit.

For explicit fics in general, is the porn engaging? Are there any points that fall flat or feel unsexy? Detail-wise, are there any notable inconsistent or confusing moments for things like limb placement, clothes, positioning, etc., or the opposite problem of over-concern with where things are?

The style of feedback I prefer to receive is: I'm interested in any impressions you have, including negative ones, as long as the feedback isn't purely negative. I would love to hear what worked for you alongside what didn't. If there are any aspects you think I could improve on, I'd be delighted to hear what they are!

Comments to this post will be: Unscreened

Comments

[yelp]

I have left my concrit on each chapter of Memory of Dust!

[kaiosea]

Hi, I read A Good Brother! I'm reading fandom blind, but I did look up the characters to see what they looked like (and they are very pretty :D).

I would also love any feedback on titles, summaries and tags — do they seem relevant or interesting? Is there anything I've failed to tag for that should be tagged?

The tags seemed relevant and like the ones that I would have tagged it with. I know the tagging conventions can vary a lot by fandom, but they made sense to me. I sometimes tag my works with whether they're canon (and sometimes with what part of canon it follows or relates to) or AU, but I have no clue if that's a thing for Genshin Impact. It seemed like the canon universe to me at least, so I didn't necessarily need the tag to know that, too.
The title clearly related to the last line, and for me it was a callback to the dynamics between the two brothers and how Diluc feels torn about his responsibility for and feelings towards Kaeya.
The summary, I think, got across that it's smut and also the emphasis on the brothers, so that seemed to make sense for the fic. A random note is that the single quotes as opposed to double also made me think that you are outside the US, since the US basically always uses double quotations, haha (no need to change anything ofc, I just noticed).

What do you find most memorable about the work, if anything? If nothing in particular sticks out, I'd like to hear that as well!

Diluc's intense feelings for Kaeya are most memorable for me; even though I wasn't familiar with the fandom, I felt like the emphasis on the dynamics between the two stood out to me.

For explicit fics in general, is the porn engaging? Are there any points that fall flat or feel unsexy?

I felt like it engaged me! I thought it was hot. I also really liked that you wrote the denouement after they both came, where Diluc is considering the implications of what just happened and what he'll do next.

Detail-wise, are there any notable inconsistent or confusing moments for things like limb placement, clothes, positioning, etc., or the opposite problem of over-concern with where things are?

When I started the fic, it wasn't awfully confusing but I wasn't able to tell whether they were standing or lying down while grinding. The third paragraph mentioned wanting to "pin him to the wall," so that made me think probably standing (unless he was lying down and thinking about standing up to pin him). The fourth paragraph gave me the setting: Angel's Share and "in the dim light of the alleyway." I wasn't sure where they were located before then.

Limb placement didn't seem like an issue to me as I read. A few times, I felt like using a names/names instead of the pronouns he/him would have been more clear to me though. When there's no name in a sentence, when he/him/his happens before a name appears, and when either multiple names or multiple pronouns are used: some of those times are where I wasn't hugely confused, but I felt like I would have paused a little less.

He's grinding against Diluc without a trace of dignity or restraint — not that Diluc thinks he has either of those qualities even when he's sober.
"not that Diluc thinks Kaeya has either of those qualities even when he's sober." Maybe?

he bites out between heavy breaths,
I feel like "Diluc" instead of "he" would have been clearer to me, and I feel like I would have liked the emphasis on Diluc saying this line of dialogue.

I saw that sometimes dialogue begins a new paragraph and sometimes there are multiple dialogue lines within one paragraph. I feel like I would have liked to see more of the dialogue as the start of a paragraph or on its own for impact, at times, especially lines that end paragraphs like "I do," Kaeya whispers. "Take care of me, brother… please." I liked this line a lot, and I feel like I would have paused more and listened to this line's emotional impact even more if it had a line break before it.

The other thing I noticed that confused me is that the word epithet is used twice to refer to "brother." From what I understand about the definition, it seems to me that epithet is usually something like "the red-haired brother" or "the old man." Just "brother" on its own is something that I wouldn't think of as an epithet in this fic? It seems more like a name or a term. "Term" might be more accurate? That was just my reaction. (Unless you were using the second definition of epithet as "abusive, defamatory, or derogatory phrase," but I didn't get those vibes from the other parts of the fic.)

I enjoyed reading your fic! Even without knowing the fandom, the complicated, intense relationship between brothers stood out to me, which is something that I enjoy with incest kink fics. (Also, can I just applaud your response to the redating comment...)