Concrit for: if you’re gonna get me addicted (you have my permission)
• What did you think/feel about the summary and title before you read the fic? Did this change after having read the fic?
Before reading the fic: My impression based on the title and summary was that the fic is going to be something hot and steamy between Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen, possibly unhealthy too. But also, I do agree with your notes at the start — XY is, indeed, his own warning.
After reading the fic: I think your summary and title does bring across what your fic is about — Yi City and the time XXC and XY spend together with A Qing. I think your title is apt, given how really, XXC doesn't have to settle here with XY (or rather, the stranger to him) and A Qing, it doesn't have to be Yi City, but it is and he stays despite all this and doesn't leave. There are a lot of unknowns here for XXC, and they remain as unknowns until the end of the fic, which I think is something really suited for your title given how despite XXC not knowing it's XY, he still comes back to him again. It's like an addiction he cannot kick, and he doesn't know why.
• I’m interested in your emotional reactions as you read the fic. What surprised you? What worked for you or what didn’t?
From what I read from the summary, I expected XXC to become addicted to XY in some form, and your fic delivered it for me. My reactions were basically 'ooh' to 'omg ooh' to '!!!!!'. I think it's nice to see the Yi City arc from XXC's point of view, because as a viewer, we are privy to what he doesn't know about.
I like how things changed and shifted throughout the fic: XXC starts by not wanting to ask for what he wants, but by the end of it he's gasping and asking XY for it. I like the dramatic irony in the fic about XXC's reality and dreams — for XXC, he thinks that his life is perfect and his dreams are nightmarish, but the reader knows that the truth is that either way, it is still hell for him.
• How clear was the plot, or the characters’ motivations, or the physicality of what was happening?
I think the plot and the characters' motivations were clear to me, and XXC's confusion came through clearly to me. I think familiarity with the canon really helped for me to have a better understanding throughout, especially of XY's actions and the true horror of what he was doing to XXC, versus what XXC just doesn't know as presented in the fic. I think perhaps you could have provided more explanation as to why XXC enjoys being marked by XY — is it to remember what they have done, or to remember that he's alive, or..? I think a bit more about it would've helped to put everything together for me.
• What sense of writing style did you get? I feel like my style is very different from fic to fic since I try to change it to fit the canon or story, so I am always interested in how it comes off.
I think your writing style suited this fic well. You present snippets of various parts of XXC's life during the Yi City arc, from conversations with XY to just what XXC just doesn't quite know about A Qing and it is just enough to allow the reader to draw their own conclusion about the horror of the situation — what XXC had no clue of, but still continues to think is necessary as a result. I think your style fit the canon, it did convey the same sense of uneasiness that I got from the Yi City arc.
• If you know the canon, how do you feel like it relates to canon? If you don’t know the canon, what are your impressions of the characters just from my fic?
I've watched The Untamed, and I do feel that it does relate well to canon. I felt that you did bring across the same feelings that canon had, and I do think that you have a good read on XXC. I think you brought across how trusting XXC is from the drama into your fic, and your use of the word 'stranger' to label XY in XXC's limited POV really did bring that home for me.
• What did you think of the dialogue/prose?
Here are my comments about some of the dialogue and prose in the fic:
"Did I hurt you?" The stranger says, in a funny voice. I think you could have gone into a bit more detail about XY's tone here — it's telling me that it's funny, but I'm not sure why as a reader, as is XXC. I can infer that perhaps it's like he doesn't care for XXC's pain, or like he doesn't take it seriously when XXC is unsure of how to interpret the light tone of his voice, and when he laughs. Although if this is your intention to keep the reader as confused as XXC is, then I would say that it works.
"Fine, I'll ask you what you want if you won't say," the stranger says, with a peculiar impatience. This line was unclear for me as to what XY's intention was. Essentially he's giving XXC options as to what he wants, or just asking if XXC wants they both know he wants. I think rephrasing this might be helpful, perhaps something along the lines of 'fine, if you won't ask, I'll ask until you tell me' would be clearer. I thought how XY's line being said with a peculiar impatience was interesting since he's been intimate with XXC a number of times, and it seems like this isn't the first time he's getting this sort of reaction from him. Is this to show that XY has never been impatient like this in such a scenario before, so this is out of the ordinary, or is this to show that XY's impatience is peculiar and out of place in such a situation?
They are not particularly long fingers, but Xingchen appreciates that they are skilled with a sword-the stranger has kept up with him in their night hunts. I liked the observation that XXC makes of XY's fingers here. It shows us a lot about his character — yes the fingers are bringing him pleasure, but the most important part about them to XXC are their ability to wield a sword and allow their owner to keep up with him.
I liked how it's clear that XXC cannot see in your fic, and you show it throughout rather than telling the reader. For example, a lot of his perception of XY comes from discerning his tone of voice.
"No, Daozhang... I'm sleeping now. Please don't bother me again." This line from XY felt a little jarring to me given how XXC and XY are sleeping in this scene. Was XY awake all along then, or did he intend to sleep and just wanted XXC not to disturb, or is this supposed to hint to us that XY is behind the dreams?
I like the brief snatches of dialogue that we get between XY and A Qing that hint at the truth, which is just out of grasp for XXC because it's hidden from him. The ending is a solid punch to the gut — XXC continues with his mission thinking that he's saving Yi City, he perseveres despite doubt gnawing at him that this is all for naught. He thinks he's doing good, but we know that it's the very opposite.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 08:09 pm (UTC)• What did you think/feel about the summary and title before you read the fic? Did this change after having read the fic?
Before reading the fic: My impression based on the title and summary was that the fic is going to be something hot and steamy between Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen, possibly unhealthy too. But also, I do agree with your notes at the start — XY is, indeed, his own warning.
After reading the fic: I think your summary and title does bring across what your fic is about — Yi City and the time XXC and XY spend together with A Qing. I think your title is apt, given how really, XXC doesn't have to settle here with XY (or rather, the stranger to him) and A Qing, it doesn't have to be Yi City, but it is and he stays despite all this and doesn't leave. There are a lot of unknowns here for XXC, and they remain as unknowns until the end of the fic, which I think is something really suited for your title given how despite XXC not knowing it's XY, he still comes back to him again. It's like an addiction he cannot kick, and he doesn't know why.
• I’m interested in your emotional reactions as you read the fic. What surprised you? What worked for you or what didn’t?
From what I read from the summary, I expected XXC to become addicted to XY in some form, and your fic delivered it for me. My reactions were basically 'ooh' to 'omg ooh' to '!!!!!'. I think it's nice to see the Yi City arc from XXC's point of view, because as a viewer, we are privy to what he doesn't know about.
I like how things changed and shifted throughout the fic: XXC starts by not wanting to ask for what he wants, but by the end of it he's gasping and asking XY for it. I like the dramatic irony in the fic about XXC's reality and dreams — for XXC, he thinks that his life is perfect and his dreams are nightmarish, but the reader knows that the truth is that either way, it is still hell for him.
• How clear was the plot, or the characters’ motivations, or the physicality of what was happening?
I think the plot and the characters' motivations were clear to me, and XXC's confusion came through clearly to me. I think familiarity with the canon really helped for me to have a better understanding throughout, especially of XY's actions and the true horror of what he was doing to XXC, versus what XXC just doesn't know as presented in the fic. I think perhaps you could have provided more explanation as to why XXC enjoys being marked by XY — is it to remember what they have done, or to remember that he's alive, or..? I think a bit more about it would've helped to put everything together for me.
• What sense of writing style did you get? I feel like my style is very different from fic to fic since I try to change it to fit the canon or story, so I am always interested in how it comes off.
I think your writing style suited this fic well. You present snippets of various parts of XXC's life during the Yi City arc, from conversations with XY to just what XXC just doesn't quite know about A Qing and it is just enough to allow the reader to draw their own conclusion about the horror of the situation — what XXC had no clue of, but still continues to think is necessary as a result. I think your style fit the canon, it did convey the same sense of uneasiness that I got from the Yi City arc.
• If you know the canon, how do you feel like it relates to canon? If you don’t know the canon, what are your impressions of the characters just from my fic?
I've watched The Untamed, and I do feel that it does relate well to canon. I felt that you did bring across the same feelings that canon had, and I do think that you have a good read on XXC. I think you brought across how trusting XXC is from the drama into your fic, and your use of the word 'stranger' to label XY in XXC's limited POV really did bring that home for me.
• What did you think of the dialogue/prose?
Here are my comments about some of the dialogue and prose in the fic:
"Did I hurt you?" The stranger says, in a funny voice.
I think you could have gone into a bit more detail about XY's tone here — it's telling me that it's funny, but I'm not sure why as a reader, as is XXC. I can infer that perhaps it's like he doesn't care for XXC's pain, or like he doesn't take it seriously when XXC is unsure of how to interpret the light tone of his voice, and when he laughs. Although if this is your intention to keep the reader as confused as XXC is, then I would say that it works.
"Fine, I'll ask you what you want if you won't say," the stranger says, with a peculiar impatience.
This line was unclear for me as to what XY's intention was. Essentially he's giving XXC options as to what he wants, or just asking if XXC wants they both know he wants. I think rephrasing this might be helpful, perhaps something along the lines of 'fine, if you won't ask, I'll ask until you tell me' would be clearer. I thought how XY's line being said with a peculiar impatience was interesting since he's been intimate with XXC a number of times, and it seems like this isn't the first time he's getting this sort of reaction from him. Is this to show that XY has never been impatient like this in such a scenario before, so this is out of the ordinary, or is this to show that XY's impatience is peculiar and out of place in such a situation?
They are not particularly long fingers, but Xingchen appreciates that they are skilled with a sword-the stranger has kept up with him in their night hunts.
I liked the observation that XXC makes of XY's fingers here. It shows us a lot about his character — yes the fingers are bringing him pleasure, but the most important part about them to XXC are their ability to wield a sword and allow their owner to keep up with him.
I liked how it's clear that XXC cannot see in your fic, and you show it throughout rather than telling the reader. For example, a lot of his perception of XY comes from discerning his tone of voice.
"No, Daozhang... I'm sleeping now. Please don't bother me again."
This line from XY felt a little jarring to me given how XXC and XY are sleeping in this scene. Was XY awake all along then, or did he intend to sleep and just wanted XXC not to disturb, or is this supposed to hint to us that XY is behind the dreams?
I like the brief snatches of dialogue that we get between XY and A Qing that hint at the truth, which is just out of grasp for XXC because it's hidden from him. The ending is a solid punch to the gut — XXC continues with his mission thinking that he's saving Yi City, he perseveres despite doubt gnawing at him that this is all for naught. He thinks he's doing good, but we know that it's the very opposite.
Thank you for writing this!