I'm only a year late responding, which I am sorry to be so late, but thank you so much for your thoughtful and detailed responses! I did read through your concrit when you first posted it and have been meaning to respond since then...
I'm especially glad to hear that "stranger" worked as a choice, since it was something that I debated with myself over on the best way to convey it through writing. Your suggestion for conveying voice a little more with the one line is a good one! I think I chose "funny" because XXC says that a lot in the drama (at least the subtitles I watched), but since I'm in his head, why not explore what "funny" really sounds like!
I think with "I'm sleeping now" what I was thinking was that XY was really asleep and XXC woke him up by talking, though I don't think I got that across with how sparse I made it in that section haha.
I appreciate the time you took in reading through! Thanks again!
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-01-03 12:10 am (UTC)I'm especially glad to hear that "stranger" worked as a choice, since it was something that I debated with myself over on the best way to convey it through writing. Your suggestion for conveying voice a little more with the one line is a good one! I think I chose "funny" because XXC says that a lot in the drama (at least the subtitles I watched), but since I'm in his head, why not explore what "funny" really sounds like!
I think with "I'm sleeping now" what I was thinking was that XY was really asleep and XXC woke him up by talking, though I don't think I got that across with how sparse I made it in that section haha.
I appreciate the time you took in reading through! Thanks again!