[The horses were dark with sweat, snorting and throwing their heads up against their reins. One of them was limping; another was staggering along with stiff movements. Those two he'd have to send back. Two out of nine. Good horses, like so many other things, were hard to come by.]
Uh - not sure what exactly he was trying to do, and I'm not a horse expert, but, I'm pretty sure a lamed horse is a doomed horse, which seems pretty wasteful and not really a situation where you return them, unless it's to their previous place in the glue factory line. And if he is the sort of person to push a horse until it's going to die to test them, I'd say he should probably be saying that directly and maybe explaining more why he's got this philosophy.
[The sky people. Zaius had been convinced they were dead, killed by the flesh-eating savages on the other side of the fence. Urko had defied him, holing up in this lost and forgotten outpost for months, waiting for them to swim up to the surface like bloated corpses in the spring floods. But he had to be sure. „You have them? They're alive?" He could see the beast's teeth gleam in the shadow as it pulled back its lips in a silent snarl. „Yes." Urko hid a smile. So not everyone was happy with that state of affairs there. Well, they could work on that, together. „Why are you telling me this now? Don't you want them anymore?" The human shook its head. „You take them away, like the others."]
Ah. So the apes did indeed find humans last time, not just some wreckage, which also pretty strongly suggests they already know about the whole apes inheriting the earth from humans business. But then, they also apparently speak the same language, so there's a lot different about the starting conditions.
[A human stood under the trees on the other side of the road and for a moment, Urko believed his men that it could pop in and out of thin air. He could have sworn that nothing had been there a moment ago, and he hadn't seen any movement, although he had been looking in that direction. It was as if the background had peeled away to reveal its shape.]
So the apes don't have as good vision, maybe? Burke and Virdon seem to only get ambushed because they can't see well in the dark, and I don't think they mentioned the tribe also having amazing camouflage skills, so maybe the apes aren't great at distance and similarly colored shapes.
[The next moment, Burke grabbed Ehpah, whirled her around and bent her backwards at a dangerous angle, the perfect recreation of the homecoming sailor at the New York victory parade after World War Two. The kiss wasn't a demonstration of love, or even lust, Virdon thought grimly, but one of triumph over a spectacular catch - and not just regarding the fish.]
[Their body language made it abundantly clear to everyone that they had been close even before Burke's demonstration of ownership.]
And okay - there are guys who think of women as men's property. Okay, it's realistic. But it's not great of them, and it doesn't seem like it's going to be examined - how flawed characters should be, that's complicated, but this really feels like the narration doesn't consider either of them flawed for it, and that's a lot more of an issue.
[He swallowed, his hands shaking with rage now. He carefully untangled her from the seine net, felt for injuries. Had Ahta knocked her out with a stone and then drowned her? But he didn't find a lump on her head. Only when he lifted her chin did he see the strangulation marks on her throat in the bright silvery light.]
...so yeah, I think if you're including all the worst stuff of pulp fiction, you should probably tag for all of it.
This wasn't the only way to resolve it. She could've just not wanted to leave with them. She had a whole life and family before they showed up, even if none of that was shown. If you wanted a death, Burke could've gotten into another fight with Ahta - perhaps even that she's fine staying precisely because Ahta was removed from the picture. Instead, she dies so Burke can be upset for a minute and Virdon declares it'd be wrong to do anything to her murderer while everyone's asleep.
And, okay, maybe anything but a perfect fridging would compromise the pulp feel for you. But I think it should at least be clearly warned if when you say pulpy adventure fanfic, you really do mean every bit of what someone should be braced for if they were reading a period pulp piece should be braced for here too.
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timeasmymeasure
Marooned On The Planet Of The Apes Ch7
Date: 2022-07-09 01:23 pm (UTC)[The horses were dark with sweat, snorting and throwing their heads up against their reins. One of them was limping; another was staggering along with stiff movements. Those two he'd have to send back. Two out of nine. Good horses, like so many other things, were hard to come by.]
Uh - not sure what exactly he was trying to do, and I'm not a horse expert, but, I'm pretty sure a lamed horse is a doomed horse, which seems pretty wasteful and not really a situation where you return them, unless it's to their previous place in the glue factory line. And if he is the sort of person to push a horse until it's going to die to test them, I'd say he should probably be saying that directly and maybe explaining more why he's got this philosophy.
[The sky people. Zaius had been convinced they were dead, killed by the flesh-eating savages on the other side of the fence. Urko had defied him, holing up in this lost and forgotten outpost for months, waiting for them to swim up to the surface like bloated corpses in the spring floods.
But he had to be sure. „You have them? They're alive?"
He could see the beast's teeth gleam in the shadow as it pulled back its lips in a silent snarl. „Yes."
Urko hid a smile. So not everyone was happy with that state of affairs there. Well, they could work on that, together.
„Why are you telling me this now? Don't you want them anymore?"
The human shook its head. „You take them away, like the others."]
Ah. So the apes did indeed find humans last time, not just some wreckage, which also pretty strongly suggests they already know about the whole apes inheriting the earth from humans business. But then, they also apparently speak the same language, so there's a lot different about the starting conditions.
[A human stood under the trees on the other side of the road and for a moment, Urko believed his men that it could pop in and out of thin air. He could have sworn that nothing had been there a moment ago, and he hadn't seen any movement, although he had been looking in that direction. It was as if the background had peeled away to reveal its shape.]
So the apes don't have as good vision, maybe? Burke and Virdon seem to only get ambushed because they can't see well in the dark, and I don't think they mentioned the tribe also having amazing camouflage skills, so maybe the apes aren't great at distance and similarly colored shapes.
[The next moment, Burke grabbed Ehpah, whirled her around and bent her backwards at a dangerous angle, the perfect recreation of the homecoming sailor at the New York victory parade after World War Two. The kiss wasn't a demonstration of love, or even lust, Virdon thought grimly, but one of triumph over a spectacular catch - and not just regarding the fish.]
That's...kind of a loaded comparison, considering the history of the picture, and how uncomfortable the woman is recounting it.
[Their body language made it abundantly clear to everyone that they had been close even before Burke's demonstration of ownership.]
And okay - there are guys who think of women as men's property. Okay, it's realistic. But it's not great of them, and it doesn't seem like it's going to be examined - how flawed characters should be, that's complicated, but this really feels like the narration doesn't consider either of them flawed for it, and that's a lot more of an issue.
[He swallowed, his hands shaking with rage now. He carefully untangled her from the seine net, felt for injuries. Had Ahta knocked her out with a stone and then drowned her? But he didn't find a lump on her head. Only when he lifted her chin did he see the strangulation marks on her throat in the bright silvery light.]
...so yeah, I think if you're including all the worst stuff of pulp fiction, you should probably tag for all of it.
This wasn't the only way to resolve it. She could've just not wanted to leave with them. She had a whole life and family before they showed up, even if none of that was shown. If you wanted a death, Burke could've gotten into another fight with Ahta - perhaps even that she's fine staying precisely because Ahta was removed from the picture. Instead, she dies so Burke can be upset for a minute and Virdon declares it'd be wrong to do anything to her murderer while everyone's asleep.
And, okay, maybe anything but a perfect fridging would compromise the pulp feel for you. But I think it should at least be clearly warned if when you say pulpy adventure fanfic, you really do mean every bit of what someone should be braced for if they were reading a period pulp piece should be braced for here too.