I don't know the fandom, but I really enjoyed this! The opening is both nicely intriguing and quickly lets me understand what's happening here. The contrast of Elizabeth to everyone else is nicely vivid, and I enjoyed the jokes of her colleagues (I got the octopus reference!) and the brusque focus of the Admiral. I liked following allowing with Elizabeth's realization that they were basically torturing Mark, and the way she went from viewing him the way she would an animal, to seeing emotion in him and empathizing with him.
Elizabeth's internal self-doubts about what she's doing and her continued realizations as she starts seeing Mark more and more as a human, helped really bring her to life as a fully-realized character. It's clear as the reader that Elizabeth has reached a major turning point, but her step by step realizations and adjustments in her own self-assessment aren't overdone or heavy-handed.
I liked the scene as Elizabeth lets Mark go for his swim. It would've been nice to have a bit more tension there, to underscore everything that Elizabeth is risking here, or any specific thoughts of what might happen if Mark never returns. OTOH, the scene as is has a nice, peaceful vibe that parallels what Mark is surely feeling in the ocean. Mark's return is sweetly emotional and has a nice fairytale quality. Elizabeth seeing him with new eyes and a new emotional openness is believable, and not over-sold. I liked Elizabeth's realization that Mark understood what she was telling him. I would've liked something from her about what that might mean for them, going back to the lab, either at this moment or at the end as they're driving back.
Overall, the ending from Mark's swim onward has a beautiful dreamlike vibe. But I think I'd like a bit more of a hint of where they go from here? Or some acknowledgement of the uncertainty they face going forward. Elizabeth thought that if Mark never comes back, the aquarium would stay empty. And that it would be a good thing. But when Mark reappears, she goes straight to taking both of them back there. You get the sense that the personal relationship between Elizabeth and Mark has irrevocably changed, but I'm less sure about her feelings for her job and her worldview and sense of self. She knows now that he can understand her. And that he chose to return because of her. She also has already been warned not to let his "shape" affect her "professional distance". How much is she thinking about the potential ramifications as she decides to take them both back?
Stylistically, I like the prose and choice phrasings. It's clear and fairly sparse, but with well-chosen moments of beauty - "turquoise desert devoid of all live" (minor typo there, only pointing it out because I'm quoting it), "perfect screen for her projections", "turned the thought in her mind like an interesting seashell".
I might have added a scene break between leaving the lab and arriving at the beach. I realize that's purely personal preference, but it might give a bit of breathing space for what's to come. There's a shift after they arrive at the beach, where paragraphs get shorter. I think a scene break would draw attention to that change in prose.
The story was really sweet and beautiful, with a strong sense of character and atmosphere. It leaves me eager for more!
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-07-25 12:59 am (UTC)I don't know the fandom, but I really enjoyed this! The opening is both nicely intriguing and quickly lets me understand what's happening here. The contrast of Elizabeth to everyone else is nicely vivid, and I enjoyed the jokes of her colleagues (I got the octopus reference!) and the brusque focus of the Admiral. I liked following allowing with Elizabeth's realization that they were basically torturing Mark, and the way she went from viewing him the way she would an animal, to seeing emotion in him and empathizing with him.
Elizabeth's internal self-doubts about what she's doing and her continued realizations as she starts seeing Mark more and more as a human, helped really bring her to life as a fully-realized character. It's clear as the reader that Elizabeth has reached a major turning point, but her step by step realizations and adjustments in her own self-assessment aren't overdone or heavy-handed.
I liked the scene as Elizabeth lets Mark go for his swim. It would've been nice to have a bit more tension there, to underscore everything that Elizabeth is risking here, or any specific thoughts of what might happen if Mark never returns. OTOH, the scene as is has a nice, peaceful vibe that parallels what Mark is surely feeling in the ocean. Mark's return is sweetly emotional and has a nice fairytale quality. Elizabeth seeing him with new eyes and a new emotional openness is believable, and not over-sold. I liked Elizabeth's realization that Mark understood what she was telling him. I would've liked something from her about what that might mean for them, going back to the lab, either at this moment or at the end as they're driving back.
Overall, the ending from Mark's swim onward has a beautiful dreamlike vibe. But I think I'd like a bit more of a hint of where they go from here? Or some acknowledgement of the uncertainty they face going forward. Elizabeth thought that if Mark never comes back, the aquarium would stay empty. And that it would be a good thing. But when Mark reappears, she goes straight to taking both of them back there. You get the sense that the personal relationship between Elizabeth and Mark has irrevocably changed, but I'm less sure about her feelings for her job and her worldview and sense of self. She knows now that he can understand her. And that he chose to return because of her. She also has already been warned not to let his "shape" affect her "professional distance". How much is she thinking about the potential ramifications as she decides to take them both back?
Stylistically, I like the prose and choice phrasings. It's clear and fairly sparse, but with well-chosen moments of beauty - "turquoise desert devoid of all live" (minor typo there, only pointing it out because I'm quoting it), "perfect screen for her projections", "turned the thought in her mind like an interesting seashell".
I might have added a scene break between leaving the lab and arriving at the beach. I realize that's purely personal preference, but it might give a bit of breathing space for what's to come. There's a shift after they arrive at the beach, where paragraphs get shorter. I think a scene break would draw attention to that change in prose.
The story was really sweet and beautiful, with a strong sense of character and atmosphere. It leaves me eager for more!