I definitely did have a typo in the summary so thank you for alerting me that lol, how embarrassing for me. I wasn't able to find a beta for this if you couldn't tell, so this also inspired me to look for and find even more typos and format errors. Whoops! I need to fix those.
Your comments on the prose are helpful! Particularly the suggestion to trade reactions back and forth. Looking back with the gift of time, parts of this fic read "split up" to me, like I'm using too many paragraph breaks and the paragraphs are too short. (This is a weird bad habit that I started doing in 2021 when there are long passages without dialogue.) I feel like if I connected some of the very short lines/paragraphs by interspersing more of William's reactions, it would help.
I agree shoots is better than sinks! I forgot about that association for sinks. Spoils- intentional with that one!
Thank you again for taking your time to do this! Also, no pressure to respond or make sense of what I said as I know it's been what, 7 months since you wrote your comment? I just wanted to respond to let you know how helpful I found it!
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-01-03 12:44 am (UTC)Your comments on the prose are helpful! Particularly the suggestion to trade reactions back and forth. Looking back with the gift of time, parts of this fic read "split up" to me, like I'm using too many paragraph breaks and the paragraphs are too short. (This is a weird bad habit that I started doing in 2021 when there are long passages without dialogue.) I feel like if I connected some of the very short lines/paragraphs by interspersing more of William's reactions, it would help.
I agree shoots is better than sinks! I forgot about that association for sinks. Spoils- intentional with that one!
Thank you again for taking your time to do this! Also, no pressure to respond or make sense of what I said as I know it's been what, 7 months since you wrote your comment? I just wanted to respond to let you know how helpful I found it!