Concrit for htbthomas

[htbthomas]

I want to receive feedback by: email htbthomas@gmail.com or comments to this post!

Here are the works I want feedback on: Anything at https://archiveofourown.org/users/htbthomas/works - especially M and E-rated stories, or any rating of F/F. No safe works.

My works' fandoms and content notes are: I mostly write superhero fandoms or TV comedies, though if a fandom contains secret identity it has a good shot of being on my list. See tags on works for full list of fandoms and content.

I have these questions for readers: I don't think I'm very good at writing M/E scenes, and my F/F seems to fall flat. What would improve it?

I would prefer gentle (5) or direct (1) feedback, or something in between: 2-3

Comments

[snowshus]

I wasn't familiar with the F/F fandoms nor am I a big F/F reader so I didn't think I would be particularly helpful to you there. So instead I've picked one E and one M fic. I really liked them both and so I don't have a lot say besides like "Everything is wonderful!" but I tried my best.

The Next Someday: I thought this was a great fic. The sex was really well done, the feelings were really well incorporated though out it. I don't know the fandom (and going all the way back to 2009 to find one I knew seemed less helpful) so I won't talk to general in-characterness but within the confines of this particular fic the characters and their relationship were well developed and consistent through-out. I really felt for them and this moment and this game/holding pattern they're in where they can only be together when they're being someone else. It was really exactly the sort of explicit fic I love.

Break These Chains of Love: I really enjoyed this one as well. It was very sweet. My major complaint would be that the mystery of Rebecca Silver/Mick reveal didn't really feel like it paid off much. I think if there had been more tension between the idea of Mick and the idea of Silver in Ray's thoughts/actions it would have worked better. As it is, whether Ray knew Mick was the writer or not didn't feel very relevant to his responses to the book, Nora, Mick, or the date he planned. It was fun, but is also felt like I wouldn't be losing anything if it was cut.

As far as the sex part goes I think again you did a really good job with it. It's got a lot of connection to the characters and specificity of this moment in their relationship and how the sex inform and then advances the relationship.

The potentially TMI section where we talk sex and how these two fics made me feel: If your goal with the M/E rated fics was to get the "OMG so hot, I have to go take care of myself now" response I would say you probably are not reaching it yet or not reaching it as well as you might be able to. This section is of course more about my personal reactions than something I can claim is a universal response since what turns people on is varies by individual and sometimes within an individual depending on the day.

So for me it's sexy but not like lock the door and jerk off hot. This is largely because the sex itself takes a backseat to the development of the characters and exploration of the relationship that is happening with it. This is particularly true of the first one where we spent a lot of the sex scene in Midge's head and the sex sort of serves to guide her self-reflection on subjects like career and family. I would stress that I really, really liked that. The sex you write is really satisfying on story level. It feels necessary and meaningful and I didn't skim it, which I tend to do with a lot of sex scenes. The Ray/Nora scene in particular was very satisfying as a shipper, it felt very in character and sweet and fulfilled my need to see them happy and sexy together.

BUT, if you really want that "OMG so hot" response lingering more on the physicality and sensations and getting the characters more present and in the moment more often and emphasizing the wants and desires and sexy thoughts might help to move it more towards that. You do this much better in the Ray/Nora scene initially, but the structure of that particular story meant cutting it off just as it got going so we never really got to sexy climax as it were. If you were to continue that level of attention through a whole sex scene I think you'd have great success at E rated fic.

[htbthomas]

Thank you! (Interesting that we were matched to each other - maybe that was by design?)

Your comments about how to increase the "OMG so hot" factor were particularly helpful. That's what I feel is missing - so much of what I write for are emotional and character beats, and while that's what I want from my canons, I also sometimes just need the heat! I'll try to focus on finding that balance more in the next E-rated fic.

Also, good point about Mick's identity not having a pay off. That's something I would develop more if I were writing it today.