Concrit for vandoorne

[vandoorne]

I want to receive feedback by : Comment where the work is published (preferred) or on this post if it's more comfortable for you

Here are the works I want feedback on (optional: and my safe works are...): Any work posted on my Ao3 account (vandoorne) from July 2019 until present.

I would especially love to receive feedback about the following fics:

- imagine me and you series of 3 fics (Al Cappuccino, 13.6k words, explicit)
- 重臨舊情境 (chances are) (Al Cappuccino RPF, 16k words, explicit)
- your touch is supernatural (Line Walker: Bull Fight, 8.2k words, explicit)
- if you can be intimate (then it's no big deal) (Legal Mavericks, 6.3k words, explicit)
- devotion (The Prince of Tennis, 5.7k words, explicit)
- the stars go waltzing out in blue and red (The Prince of Tennis, 4.6k words, explicit)
- 折纸飞机碰到雨天终究会坠落 (paper airplanes in the rain) (The Prince of Tennis, 17.8k words, explicit, major character death)
- the last candle melts; the dawn wind is cold (Original Work, 10.2k words, explicit, rape/noncon)

I have works written in Chinese and Cantonese as well, and would love to receive feedback for those works too! Feedback can be in whichever language you are more comfortable with.

My works' fandoms and content notes are: Content notes, ratings and warnings vary from work to work and are all available on Ao3. I write for a variety of fandoms and I write original works as well.

I have these questions for readers:

- Is there anything that can be improved on for any fics I have written?
- For fics that I have made deliberate stylistic choices to read as if it is a translated work (most of my works in danmei fandoms, the last candle melts; the dawn wind is cold, devotion, are you smelling this shit (eau de resistance)) does this style fall flat? Is there anything I should change, keep, or improve on? (e.g. in terms of dialogue, phrasing, sentence structure etc.)
- I write a lot of explicit fics: is what I'm writing repetitive? What works and what doesn't work for these fics?
- A lot of my recent fics are for small fandoms that may not have an English translation available. I'd like to hear your opinions about the characters even if you're reading about them without canon knowledge, what do you think about their feelings, their actions and if it makes sense. I'd like your opinion based on what you understand about the characters and relationships based on what you learn about canon from my fics, if there's anything that works or doesn't work!
- For fics that are in Chinese or Cantonese, any form of feedback about phrasing, structure, style, writing, if I sound like I'm directly translating from English or not, any of these would be great!
- If you're in any of the fandoms for fics that I have written, what do you think of characterisation in my fics? Is there anything that works for you? What can be improved on?
- Would love to have feedback about the emotional impact of any of my fics, how did it make you feel, what made you like it and what made you dislike it.
- Are the endings of my fics okay? Do they work, are they too abrupt, or do they need to be fleshed out more?

The style of feedback I prefer to receive is: I'm interested in hearing any impression, good or bad. Direct feedback is alright for me, as long as it isn't entirely about negative aspects.

Comments to this post will be: unscreened

Comments

Concrit Posted + Bonus Thoughts

[azurrys]

I've posted my feedback on devotion on AO3!

Also, bonus thoughts re: repetitiveness in explicit fics —

For me personally, as long as an author is able to get across different kinds of dynamics that match the scenarios that they set up, I actively enjoy it when they're then repetitive in terms of their style/writing the same kinks across different scenarios or with different characters. There'll be some scenarios/dynamics that don't work for me, but being able to capture a breadth of them also means that there's probably something to my tastes in the mix. That's where your works tend to fall for me. What makes porn less enjoyably repetitive for me is when I feel that an author always seems to be writing the exact same dynamic regardless of the characters or scenarios, especially when there's dissonance between the scenario and dynamic; I find the scenarios and dynamics sufficiently different across your works so as not to be repetitive for the most part, and I usually feel that the dynamics match the scenario.

At the same time, your style is recognisable enough for me to pick out in a crowd, which I really like! For a specific example, one thing I've noticed and enjoyed across your explicit works is how the sex is typically framed in brief, short scenes and moments, broken up with line breaks in between. I really like this because it gets straight to the point, picks out the hottest moments of the porn and focuses on them, which I enjoy a lot! Another thing that works well for me (especially in the PWPs) is your use of direct descriptions. No embarrassment, just very clear and vivid imagery. That's one of the things I look for in kink fic and which I find that your works do well for me.

For the most part, I've found that what works/doesn't work for me for your works tends to simply be whether or not I like the kinks. If they're kinks I like, then chances are I'll like the work, since I enjoy your style! I sometimes do struggle with the fact that kinks I like can come packaged with kinks I don't like, but this is just a natural hazard of any fic so I'd say it's a feature, not a bug.

tl;dr: I like the porn you write, haha.