Concrit for sadisticsparkle

[sadisticsparkle]

I want to receive feedback by : comments on this post or where the work is posted

Here are the works I want feedback on (optional: and my safe works are...):

https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadisticsparkle/works

no safe works!

My works' fandoms and content notes are: Marvel (Steve/Tony), for the most part no warnings apply. However, a lot of my Explicit fic is dubcon or CNTW.

I have these questions for readers:

I welcome anything but I have some more specific questions:

- Is the sentences structure samey/repetitive?
- Are there any moments where the story makes a jump you don't quite follow? I've always had an issue with assuming the reader is in my head and not explaining things enough.
- How do the endings work? Are they too sudden?
- How is the paratext working: titles, summaries, tags?

The style of feedback I prefer to receive is: I don't mind getting blunt feedback, but I do prefer it if there's also some praise alongside it.

Comments to this post will be: screened until May 15

Comments

[plutonianshores]

I picked Fall backwards, I’ll fuck you to review. You asked how the paratext was – I was immediately drawn to your summary and title, and they did a great job of conveying the tone of the fic. As did the tags! So you’re doing great on that front.

This isn’t a Marvel canon I’ve seen, so while I know Steve and Tony from other canons, I can’t speak to characterization here. But I love the way you’ve written Tony’s narrative voice. The fic grabbed me from the first sentence, and I could really hear Tony’s voice throughout the narration. I love close third narration with a strong voice, and you’re doing it very well. (I also loved Tony trying to distract himself by going through the periodic table!)

The sex itself was also wonderful. The descriptions were very vivid and immediate, and I loved your use of sentence fragments at the tail end of the gangbang. The way you interspersed short and vivid actions and imagery with Tony’s attempted periodic table distraction was absolutely perfect for the fic. It can be hard to keep gangbangs from getting samey, and you definitely avoided that stumbling block here.

Throughout the fic, you use a lot of ellipses. This was especially noticeable during Steve and Tony’s conversation at the end of the fic. They get repetitive, and I think you could do with cutting them down by a lot. I also have a habit of using way too many ellipses in my fics – they’re best used sparingly, in my opinion! Your use of em-dashes also got a little bit much, and there were some punctuation errors around them.

You asked about endings – I thought the fic’s ending was wonderful. You didn’t hang around too long after Steve and Tony’s orgasms, but you didn’t need to in this case. It was a very satisfying wrap-up to a great fic.

[sadisticsparkle]

Hi! Sorry for the very late reply. :) Thank you so much for this.

Good to know the paratext worked. I'm always very anxious about my summaries. Sometimes I worry my Tony(s) voices are too much, so good to know that worked too!

It can be hard to keep gangbangs from getting samey, and you definitely avoided that stumbling block here.

I love fandom and how this can be very thoughtful feedback.

I'll keep that about ellipses and em-dashes in mind, because on re-reading, yeah, it's too much.