Concrit for colorcoded

[colorcoded]

I want to receive feedback by:
My personal preference is comment on this post, but I'm happy with any option you prefer (email - color.coding@yahoo.com, PM, comment on AO3, etc.).

Here are the works I want feedback on:
Any of my works: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorcoded/works/

My works' fandoms and content notes are:
Just a heads up that this account is my porn sock and so most of the works here are explicit and non-con. However, there's enough non-explicit work that you could stick entirely to that if you wanted. My main fandoms are various Disney, Soul Calibur, and some JRPGs and animanga.

Feedback questions:
Some suggestions of things to focus on:

• Detail/descriptions - Does the detail/description feel too sparse, or the pacing too quick?
• Does the fic feel complete, or does the ending feel sudden or anti-climactic? Or does the fic feel like it does not express a complete "thought"? How would you change the fic to make it feel more coherent?
• Titles and summaries - are they working? Could they be improved? Did you want to click on them or were they meh? Should they focus on something else?
• For porn, is it sexy? How's the build-up? Anything throwing you out of the fic?
• General writing - Point out any issues with awkward or confusing phrasings, repetitive words or paragraphs, poor word choice, etc. Any confusions where what's going on with the character or the logic of the story is unclear?
• Any suggestions for remixing or going a different direction with the fic? Missed opportunities to do something more with the fic, etc.?
• Anything you liked, what is working in the fic, any reactions you had (positive, negative, or neutral).

The style of feedback I prefer to receive is: Blunt and brutally honest is fine, but I need some encouragement as well. For example, getting a list of 20 issues with the fic and no positivity would be discouraging for me. If there's a lot of issues with the fic, feel free to pick the most major ones to focus on - that's still useful to me. I think my fics are pretty clean SPAG-wise, but please feel free to flag issues.

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Comments

[sheeon]

Riding Lessons

To start with the title and summary, I liked the straight forward title, but the summary stating exactly what happens felt a little lackluster. Maybe consider including a snippet from your writing or rephrasing it to make it come across with more emotion to it.

The beginning of the wedding ceremony would feature a large procession throughout the city, with the bride and groom-to-be at its head.

The first two paragraphs here were a good start to the story, but to make even more of an impression, I think it could’ve been stronger if Aurora not yet knowing how to ride a horse was brought up as the first thing in the story, with the wedding ceremony brought in immediately after as why this is the problem.

"Have Phillip teach her! My boy is as comfortable on a horse as he is on his feet, and a very good teacher too."

This is good setup to the core of the story here and I liked how quickly it moved to Phillip and Aurora riding together.

So it was Briar Rose found herself rising early and going to the stables, dressed in simple...

The start of this sentence sounds slightly awkward to me here. I think a better way to phrase it would be “So Briar Rose found herself” or “So it was Briar Rose that found herself”.

"Well, they'd be a match at least," Phillip said, adding with a grin, "If she gives him trouble, all the better."

I noticed that you start two sentences in a row in this paragraph with “He then...”, to make it flow smoother, I would consider rephrasing it slightly to avoid this repetition since it doesn’t sound like it’s supposed to be drawing attention to an important point. I would personally have stuck with using Delilah instead of using both of the horse’s names further down in the paragraph. The detail sounds good to me and I enjoy how the characters are comfortable with each other.

Briar Rose had seen Phillip do it dozens of times - he made it look like the most natural thing in the world - but as she stood next to the mare…

I like the intention of this sentence here, but it seems overly long. My suggestion here is to put a period at “or where to put it” and move “the stirrup seemed so much higher...” into its own sentence to have it flow better and make the Rose’s doubt come across clearer.

The section of the two characters talking with each other was well done! I liked this line in particular: But she soon realized that it was just the smile of a good-humored person who found amusement in almost everything. You do a good job showing the emotions between the characters and what they feel for each other. The last few paragraphs felt a little heavy in telling over showing the event (maybe consider adding a scene of the newlyweds interacting with Rose’s parents at the wedding?) and I would break up the paragraphs some to give it more variation while reading, but the general concept was good. Overall, I liked the fic and thought it was a nice read with a complete story. The ending line felt like the right way to close out the story!

[colorcoded]

Thank you for these notes! I cleaned up the prose a bit. I do have the tendency to tell rather than show sometimes. Whenever I take the time to flesh out a scene rather than write it as brief summary, it always turns out stronger - I just have to have the time! Thank you so much for the feedback - it really helps me to know where things are working and when they're weak.