Concrit for witchorvegan

[witchorvegan]

I want to receive feedback by : Comments on this post, or, if you prefer, Dreamwidth PM (witchorvegan).

Here are the works I want feedback on:
real hurt to give this real worth (Loveless, Kio/Soubi, 1725 words, rated M)
failure boy (K Project, Reisi/Saruhiko, 3432 words, rated T)
distress → flow (Hypnosis Mic, Jakurai & Doppo, 2017 words, rated T)
don't hesitate, darlin' (Hypnosis Mic, Jakurai/Hifumi/Doppo, 2648 words, rated E)
Untitled Final Fantasy XV WIP (Final Fantasy XV, Prompto/Noctis, 1870 words, rated M)

Fandoms and content notes: All fics, including that WIP, have content notes at the links. Make sure to read the tags, too, for the fics hosted on AO3.

Feedback questions: I'm especially interested in feedback on character interactions and their relationship dynamics - whether they feel "real" and compelling, or whether they fall flat. For sex/kink scenes (especially the needleplay in the Loveless fic), I'd love to know if you can picture the scene well and keep track of where everyone is within it, and if there are unfamiliar kinks, whether they're described in a way that makes sense to you. Notes on characterization and overall canon accuracy are also very welcome, if you know the canon.

For the Final Fantasy XV WIP specifically, I'd love any and all input on the injury descriptions, and whether you think it needs more information on Noct's underlying condition.

The style of feedback I prefer to receive is: I prefer straightforward feedback, whether it's positive or negative. Praise for specific aspects you liked is very welcome, but I have trouble picking out the actual concrit when people try to soften it with complements.

Spelling and grammar fixes aren't super useful for me, unless you notice a repeating problem that I should keep in mind for future fics - that's something I'd really appreciate you pointing out. The FFXV WIP is an exception here as I'm still writing it, though it is fairly polished (...I hope) and I definitely don't expect a full grammar edit.

Comments to this post will be: Unscreened.

Comments

[witchorvegan]

Thank you very much for the concrit! You've given me a lot to chew on, especially re: character voices and whether or not it really feels like them at all. (I've only recently bounced back into the fandom after a few years away, so I'm still finding my footing again.)

I'm a little confused about one thing you said, though, if you wouldn't mind clarifying? "They're both a little too blase/experienced-sounding about the fairly advanced kinky sex" - I'm honestly not sure what this refers to, because as you pointed out, not a whole lot actually happens before Noct's knee crashes the party, and certainly nothing I would consider to be Advanced Kink?

[nonplussed]

Hmm, so about the blase/experienced-sounding, for instance:

Now the couch has a rope harness, a web of loops and knots just waiting for someone to be tied into the middle. Or cuffed. Or chained. They have options, and most of a weekend to explore them.

"You're amazing." Noct can't keep a grin off his face as he joins Prompto by the couch; Prompto's blushing a little from the praise, and it's too damn cute. A Dom with a praise kink. Not what you'd expect, maybe, but it works. "So, where do you want me?"

"I want you naked, first of all." Noct's quick to oblige, stripping down without a thought for modesty or putting on a show.

When faced with this 'web of loops and knots', instead of feeling nervous, or a little overwhelmed, or worried if it's going to work, or even over-excited and perhaps clumsy with it, Noct seems to simply be pleased, smiling and stripping easily and smoothly and moving on with the scene. This reaction suggests a character that has seen at least similar sorts of extensive setups before, or has enough confidence in their own bodies and partners that things will be fine, which feels at odds with how I'd think of them as teenagers and probably also people who've never been to a dungeon in person before.

Or, another example: Prompto's voice pitches up to something that's trying very hard not to be a sob. He has to be crashing hard, dragged right out of his Dom headspace into whatever the hell this is. And that happens, sometimes, and it's fine—but it turns out fine because Noct can help him through it, calm him down.

This implies that Prompto has crashed multiple times before, and Noct has multiple times clearly identified that it's due to being dragged out of Dom headspace (as opposed to many other reasons that someone less experienced might consider if their partner freaks out in the middle of a scene while they themselves are subbing, eg is it their own fault, is their partner in pain, is it something else, etc), and he usually feels totally equipped and confident to handle it.

These sort of moments contribute to that vibe of experience/blase-ness? Does that help to explain it?

Also, feel free to ask if you want more clarification for this or anything else!