September 2020 Madness Round
Sep. 5th, 2020 03:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morbane posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
concrit_xMadness will happen on this post and in its comments. Thanks for playing!
Getting concrit
Ask for concrit by replying to this post (until the end of September 7). Anyone's welcome, whether or not you just took part in the August round. If you did sign up, you're welcome to ask for concrit on the same or different pieces, or ask for responses to more specific or different questions or the same ones. Concrit is not guaranteed.
Please include:
ie, by reply to your own comment, by posting a review where the work is published (AO3, ff.net, LJ...), or by another means. (Note: comments are not screened on this post, so if you post a contact detail, anyone can see it.)
You can comment asking for concrit until the end of September 7 in your time zone.
It's okay to be more specific about the kind of concrit you want in Madness than in a normal round.
If you are willing to provide feedback on the feedback you get - "Yes, this was what I was looking for / I was surprised you focused on this aspect / Actually, that wasn't quite what I was asking / etc" - consider saying so. Please be constructive in these replies as well.
If you don't want any more concrit, reply to your own comment to say so.
Giving concrit
You don't need to wait until September 8 to reply - go ahead as soon as you see an author or work you'd like to give feedback to.
Please respect authors' safe works, and pay attention to their specific questions, the level of bluntness they prefer, and where they want you to post the feedback. If you want a starting point, see a rough guide to points to consider in concrit.
If you'd like to pay it forward and don't have anything to say about the stories linked below, see the rest of the open-for-concrit tag.
Getting concrit
Ask for concrit by replying to this post (until the end of September 7). Anyone's welcome, whether or not you just took part in the August round. If you did sign up, you're welcome to ask for concrit on the same or different pieces, or ask for responses to more specific or different questions or the same ones. Concrit is not guaranteed.
Please include:
- How you want to receive feedback
ie, by reply to your own comment, by posting a review where the work is published (AO3, ff.net, LJ...), or by another means. (Note: comments are not screened on this post, so if you post a contact detail, anyone can see it.)
- Any specific questions you want concrit-givers to focus on, and what level of bluntness you prefer, if relevant
- Which works you want feedback on, and if any of your works are "safe" or should be skipped over
- What fandoms and content, roughly, your works contain - especially if asking for feedback on just a few pieces.
You can comment asking for concrit until the end of September 7 in your time zone.
It's okay to be more specific about the kind of concrit you want in Madness than in a normal round.
If you are willing to provide feedback on the feedback you get - "Yes, this was what I was looking for / I was surprised you focused on this aspect / Actually, that wasn't quite what I was asking / etc" - consider saying so. Please be constructive in these replies as well.
Sign-ups are closed now. Responses only please!
If you don't want any more concrit, reply to your own comment to say so.
Giving concrit
You don't need to wait until September 8 to reply - go ahead as soon as you see an author or work you'd like to give feedback to.
Please respect authors' safe works, and pay attention to their specific questions, the level of bluntness they prefer, and where they want you to post the feedback. If you want a starting point, see a rough guide to points to consider in concrit.
If you'd like to pay it forward and don't have anything to say about the stories linked below, see the rest of the open-for-concrit tag.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 04:08 am (UTC)My fandom is Marvel Steve/Tony (in several universes), mostly fluff with some porn and some longer plotty fics.
You Look So Much Better When I Punch You - concrit
Date: 2020-09-06 02:44 am (UTC)Happy to discuss further anything about my reactions. Also cool with no further discussion.
Stupendous speed and stamina that puts most athletes to shame combined with lean hard muscles and curves in all the right places. - I like how this is already an unabashedly homoerotic appraisal.
the dangerous part is that he’s good at knowing when to strike and how to predict your opponents move
- typo, should be opponent's. I notice that this sentence is slightly different in your summary, and I feel like both versions are serviceable but maybe still possible to improve: "good at combat" is clear and simple, which are valuable aspects in a summary, but it's also vague. "how to predict your opponent's move" is more specific but I'm a little jarred by "your" - I realise that "How To Predict Your Opponent's Move" can be a general topic and not imply a specific you, but it still doesn't feel neutral to me when this paragraph has a third person narrator and a subject of observation - "an" would read smoother to me. Or "his". (Also: your summary has "sham" rather than shame. Intentional wordplay? A little unclear if so.)
His pulse needs Xanax - I feel like I don't quite get the metaphor there but it's striking enough that I enjoy it.
He barks, he sulks, he misplaces his reports, he drinks all the coffee and doesn’t refill the pot. - I love that. There's a slight sense of murder, arson, and jaywalking to it because not refilling the pot is fairly minor, among inconsiderate behaviors, but the way it's presented it makes sense as a barometer for his attitude. And the whole sentence is just nicely economical.
He’s too honorable to beat Tony up, but he’s making it clear that if they ever fought instead of sniping about what to order for dinner, Tony doesn’t stand a chance. - I'd say "wouldn't" rather than "doesnt'", to match fought and because I think the conditional "would" is more appropriate following "if".
because in his experience, he always ends up fighting those he... Well, his allies. - nicely gloomy Tony perspective there. And he's not wrong.
He’s learned all about those moans and its nuances - I think "their nuances" works better, because otherwise "its" doesn't have an antecedent to match up to in the rest of the sentence.
No, he can’t know, but Tony does and when his fist hits Rogers’ face again, he enjoys it.
- I really like the focusing simplicity of "he enjoys it".
And since you asked about flow - it's good! The ideas seem well-connected and the progression between them is clear. There are many of sentences where a strict style guide would suggest adding a comma, especially before a coordinating conjunction that introduces a new independent clause, but I wouldn't point them out as flaws here: I get a strong sense that your choices are deliberate and you're including or omitting them to shape the rhythm of the sentence.
How could he not enjoy the way his knuckles dig into the man’s soft cheek and push the flesh against Rogers’ teeth? - there's a great slo-mo sense to that, which feels fitting for an action that often is depicted in slo-mo on film.
Rogers’ head goes backward and lashes back - I'm not sure what you mean by "lashes back"..? He jerks his head back almost as quickly? The idea of a head "lashing" back doesn't work for me. Or do you mean his eyelashes go back? That seems a bit disconnected to me, and then you describe his eyes in a different way. Anyway, a bit lost here.
Tony watches how his knees hit the floor and… Fuck. Rogers’ cock is hard, hard enough that there’s a wet spot in his sweatpants, and that’s when Rogers looks down and makes a strangled noise. - I really like the way the narrative follows a plausible view here - I'm not quite sure how to put it, a plausible eye movement? The way you describe things in a sequence that plausibly fits with an order in which Tony's attention would be drawn to things.
Your frequent use of "the man" for Steve in the next segment made me go "hmm" - like, nothing wrong here, but it makes me wonder if you were trying to achieve a specific effect and I'm just not picking up on what it is. Or maybe it was entirely neutral and I'm looking for something that isn't there.
He could kill Tony with his bare hands and Tony is gonna make him crumble. - niiiice juxtaposition.
He brings them down until Rogers’ ass is proudly displayed. - I like how quickly this escalated - the semi-public setting, because I assume other people can use the sparring facility, adds extra tension for me.
‘We stop when I want it to stop.’ - again, great economy of phrasing, and I like that they haven't remotely talked about what's happening or will stop. But it's still an opportunity for Rogers to protest or negotiate.
Sometimes he hits the cheek and his hand bounces against it, so he hits it again right in the same spot so it’ll bruise. - I'm starting to feel a little sorry for Tony and his hands here, which is very slightly distracting.
So he pinches the skin right behind Rogers’ balls and at least now the guy’s biting into his lips. - nice escalation of action, nicely specific. Minor niggle: can he see Rogers' face, since Rogers is facing away from him into the wall?
His entire body is going to hurt the next morning, but gives a fuck when he’s spanking the hell out of Captain America? fair, and I like how that addresses my earlier distraction. (should that be 'who gives'?)
He could hurt him in so many ways and it’d heal, he’s sure of it. He’s seen how Rogers heals after battles, so he knows Tony could cut him, whip him, burn him and the man would heal. - The second sentence feels a little awkward to me, especially "he knows Tony", because that makes it seem like we've suddenly shifted to Steve's perspective. Is that intentional? And the final "the man" feels a little distancing after three "him"s in a row.
There are no limits here - I like how in this paragraph you keep it very clear that this is bad BDSM in normal circumstances, but Tony is paying attention that he's being appropriate in the situation. And, of course, doing so without interrupting the narrative too much. That's a thing I think you do well throughout - give us a sense of confidence in how Tony's interpreting the situation.
his lips curled up in a smile, and his eyes closing - Here I think I'd take the comma out after "smile", because having the comma makes it look like a list of three statements in which the first and last are in present tense and the middle one is in past tense. Without the comma, everything after "hit," is a description of what his face is doing in present tense.
Tony’s gonna be seeing this for months — Rogers’ open mouth and his nipples straining against his shirt and the way his face is covered in sweat. Tony did that. He got him to look that way. - Nice.
Tony didn’t expect this, none of this, but he especially didn't expect Rogers hands on top of Tony’s shoulders and Rogers coming all over Tony’s pants. - nice
And Tony can’t say it, because saying things makes them real, but he needs it too. - Excellent last line.
Back to some of your earlier questions:
You definitely could put more description and more choreography into the fight scene, but I don't think you really need to. I get a vague sense of them circling each other at the start, and that's all I really need. You don't precisely describe the feint that leads to the first punch connecting, but I don't think you need to. I pointed out one place where the choreography confused me.
You use epithets a little more than I personally would, especially 'the man'. That's always subjective, though.
Very minor niggle: You start the story with "Tony doesn’t know why he’s agreed to spar with Rogers…" and don't answer that question. Obviously, that's not what the story is about - he could have any number of reasons, and "Tony does a thing and tells himself he doesn't know why he did it" seems like solid characterisation to me. But it's still something I'd expect addressed sliiiightly more. I'm not sure what to suggest. I think I notice it more because of the summary. Since the summary reflects Tony's thoughts *before* he realises what's going on, I'm not sure it reflects the story as a whole: it's not a story about how Steve is good at fighting. Again, though, not sure what to suggest instead. And the tags are pretty clear.
Re: You Look So Much Better When I Punch You - concrit
Date: 2020-09-08 07:28 pm (UTC)Re: You Look So Much Better When I Punch You - concrit
Date: 2020-10-15 12:33 am (UTC)The Xanax metaphor was smth I took out and then put back in because while it's... not exactly a clear metaphor, I did like how it sounded. It's reassuring to know both that it worked and that my 'hmmm does this make sense?' doubts were correct. I'm also glad that the flow works because I always feel it sounds very clunky.
Regarding the 'his head lashes back' part, that's just my ESL brain mixing up words. >.< I meant smth like... recoil, I think.
The other thing I'm like. extremely glad it worked is the sense that this is a - a weird situation that's bad BDSM b - but they both want it. Because it's a difficult line to write about.
(I did several minor edits as well.)
The summary is... idk if misleading, but it's short enough that I didn't know how to describe it without giving everything away.
Concrit for Morbane
Date: 2020-09-05 05:06 am (UTC)I'd love thoughts on any of my other works at AO3 (
Please either give me feedback by replying here, or, if you'd rather post on AO3, please also drop a comment here to say which story you've commented on.
Any level of gentleness/bluntness is fine.
I don't have many specific questions. A lot of works were finished towards the ends of exchanges, and some of my endings are therefore rushed; if you think an ending is rushed, I'd be interested to hear what you might have expected to happen instead or what was missing. How to improve smut is always welcome. I'd really just like your impressions. If you started a story and back-clicked at a certain point, that's interesting to me too, even if all you have to say is "this is the point at which X became too much," or "this is the point at which I thought the story wasn't going in a way that interested me".
I'm happy to discuss your feedback with you, if that's something you're looking for! Otherwise, thanks in advance.
I'm also happy to answer a question about content before you begin reading a story.
Re: Concrit for Morbane - Provenance
Date: 2020-09-08 12:03 am (UTC)I really enjoyed it, so a lot of this crit is going to be fairly minor and a matter of taste.
I liked the Pratchett-y asides ("His inflection failed to rise, lacking the impetus, much in the way a flatbread (once an abomination unto Nuggan, and now very popular, especially with a kind of pumpkin paste, especially in the north) lacked the impetus to turn into a loaf." is an excellent opening). I also liked how you showed the relationship between Polly and Jackrum, that Polly is still learning from her old sergeant, that the learning is also an excuse, that he makes her pay full price for drinks -- it all feels very true to them. The character voices as a whole were great! It was lovely to get to spend some time with Polly and Jackrum again.
I sometimes had trouble tracking exactly what the meaning was -- part of that was just that they're having a circuitous conversation, and trying not to speak openly, and was cleared up on a second read through. Some of it wasn't -- I'm still not entirely sure what Polly had spent longer than she'd expected to, considering her aim, means, exactly, following Leverage, Polly had discovered, was very much about where the person wielding it stood. And secrets were shots that could only be fired once. I like the first part of the thought -- it follows well from the thoughts about plausibility and context. Can't blackmail anyone if people will believe them and not you! But, spent longer what? Building plausibility? I just needed a little more context there.
LOVE the concept of Borogravian national literature. It sounds like an Abomination Unto Nuggan and illustrates really quickly how far Borogravia has come in the intervening years since the end of the book.
Getting into the plot of it, I had trouble tracking exactly what was under discussion. My understanding is: there's discussion of Jackrum being biographied/hagiographied (and WHAT a threat to level at him!). Polly thinks this issue should be confused, not only because of the big socks secret, but because Jackrum has a hidden soft side, and wouldn't want that to come out. Polly offers up a few options for successor Jackrums. Jackrum agrees, with stipulations.
My confusion was about exactly how they were planning to do it/what the purpose was. To keep the truth obscured is the main one, I picked up on that, but adding more Jackrums to the mix wouldn't stop the stories of Jackrum rescuing puppies and kittens -- are they hoping to add directly contradictory stories, putting Jackrum in multiple places at the same time? Are they trying to run this plan backwards through time, with people claiming to have always been Jackrum, or just having so many Jackrums running around that it's impossible to figure out which did which things? All of the above?
And I would have liked a bit more detail on She'd met a hopeful writer on the road just six days ago, and shared a carriage. After making non-committal noises in response to the story of his life and ambitions, she'd changed her plans and parted ways with him at Holz. The time she wasted there had been precious to her, but not as valuable as ensuring that she arrived in the man's wake, her point made for her by his unwelcome - and curtailed - visit. It's not necessary, but to me, having more of the conflict between Jackrum's need to keep secrets and a journalist's need to ferret them out would have made his easy capitulation feel more... earned? I guess?
I don't want to tell you to over-explain things, but those are the bits that I needed to read a couple times to feel like I understood. Since you mentioned endings -- I really liked the final line, I feel like it pulls the theme to the forefront! But having the last 8 lines be short, single sentences made it feel a little jerky? Maybe tagging something about the conversation shifting onto Polly relaxed and signalled for a fourth round of drinks, would have made it feel less abrupt?
I would love it if you could let me know if this was helpful -- concrit is something I'm not confident in!
Re: Concrit for Morbane - Provenance
Date: 2020-09-08 07:04 am (UTC)Your initial comments are very kind and it's nice to know what parts of the characterisation stood out as ringing true.
I had a brief oh no laughing reaction when I saw what story you'd picked because I'd wavered on putting this one on the safe list, because of how I struggled with it when I wrote it. And it is useful to hear your thoughts, so I'm glad I didn't, but I mention this because you're very accurate - I was struggling with the meaning when I wrote it, too. I think I was sometimes circuitous as a way of getting around that. "If I just gesture enough at the sense I'm going for I'm sure it'll work out!" (I wrote it for Chocolate Box, and learned the hard way that I overthink low-minimum exchanges, and initially tried to psych myself up to write a much rarer canon for my recipient… Etc.)
Polly had spent longer than she'd expected to, considering her aim - ahhh. It didn't occur to me how that could be (legitimately!) read as "If you, the reader, think about her goal, which you should be able to figure out…" when what I mean was "She took longer to consider her aim [still going with the arrows and shots metaphor] than she had meant to." Basically, I meant that she took a while to consider what to do with the secrets, but I got indulgent about the metaphor and surrounded the idea with so many fancy phrases that it invites the reader to look for more meaning than is there.
Getting into the plot of it, I had trouble tracking exactly what was under discussion. My understanding is:
Getting meta here, since you asked for feedback on concrit: I think this is an excellent structure. State an obstacle to your comprehension or a point you stumbled on, then recap what you think is going on at that point in the prose. The parts you get right will feel like a compliment or reassurance to the author and say "I'm paying close attention"; the parts you get wrong make it super clear what assumptions you're operating from.
I think my feeling was that the existence of stories of Jackrum rescuing puppies and kittens would feel less unpleasant and bowdlerizing to Jackrum, less like people re-writing him as they wanted him, if they were clearly part of a plurality in which everything and nothing was true, and if they existed because he'd consciously and intentionally handed over his legacy. But yeah, that's not really clear. And yes, I was trying to gesture at the successor-Jackrums developing retcons. (At this point, I was probably also hampered by being in love with the inspirational idea, Cynthia Voigt's Jackaroo - which as I vaguely remember it is a slightly grim Robin Hood story in which our protagonist stumbles on the realization that the local hero vigilante is a succession of people, and takes up the mantle.)
And yes! the writer part IS very compressed, and the Jackrum capitulation IS very brief. I was feeling deeply nervous about Pratchett narration, and handling the ideas almost like a hot potato. "If I put too many words around this I'm going to ruin it! Maybe my audience can do the work if I don't obviously stuff it up!" I feel a bit "fair cop, you caught me" here. :D I agree about the last few lines feeling jerky, too.
It's oddly validating for you to pick up on so many things I thought were rough. (Though I hope I haven't wasted your time.) It says to me that my own instincts about weak points told me true… and also that I didn't get away with them quite as much as I hoped, and should especially pause, and try not to take shortcuts, when I'm not sure exactly what I mean and am tempted to embroider words around it instead of being clear.
Thank you very much again.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 05:34 am (UTC)I'd love opinions on characterization if you know the fandoms, and on general flow and whether the fic in question feels complete. Any level of directness is fine!
You can give feedback by replying to this comment, PMing me on Dreamwidth, or emailing me at plutonianshores27@gmail.com
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 06:39 am (UTC)All kinds of concrit would be interesting to me. Feel free to be as blunt as you like! Even if you just got bored and stopped reading, I would love to hear it.
I would be happy to receive concrit either as a comment on AO3 or here, or via a Dreamwidth PM. I will be absent from the internet from 9th to 15th September, so if you leave me any concrit during that period, please excuse me if I don't reply until the 16th!
Thank you in advance, and thank you so much, Morbane, for organising this comm.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 10:13 am (UTC)Any level of bluntness is fine as long as it's constructive and I'm open to all sorts of feedback regarding flow/pacing/hotness of sex scenes/level of purpleness/any thoughts you care to share
Fandoms are mostly Supernatural, a bunch of one-off movie fandoms (A Knight's Tale, American Psycho, Boondock Saints, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Pacific Rim) and a scattering of SPN RPF.
Happy to receive it either in response to this reply, through email (stripysockette@hotmail.co.uk) or on the fic itself, and also very happy to respond.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 10:39 am (UTC)Feel free to be as blunt as you'd like! I'm mostly looking for areas of improvement, and I'd be happy with feedback on general flow, characterisation, what you think didn't work in a story, what had potential but wasn't developed as well as it could have. I'll be happy to receive feedback via Dreamwidth PM or through a comment to the story. I would be very happy to discuss your feedback with you if that's something you're looking for. Thank you in advance!
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 03:26 pm (UTC)Any level of bluntness is fine, although I would love to know what worked/didn't work for you, thoughts of improvement, character-building notes and so on.
I'd like to receive the concrit in the comments of the fic itself.
I look forward to hearing from you! Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 04:04 pm (UTC)Any level of bluntness/gentleness is fine. Any topic of concrit is welcome, including but not limited to pacing/information release, tension levels, which point you backclicked out of a story, what you think didn't work in a story, and what had potential but wasn't developed as well as it could have. I'd prefer to receive the concrit as a DW PM or reply to this comment. Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 05:02 pm (UTC)Mostly gen and m/f, mainly mainly Greek myth and Noragami. There are also a smattering of other fandoms that don't require much canon knowledge. In general, anything written for an exchange is more likely to be polished; anything written for Noragami is likely to have been written in a day.
For concrit, I'm fine with any level of bluntness.
A lot of what I'm looking for is getting an idea of areas of improvement I should focus on in the future and ways I should try to grow as a writer in the future, so any thoughts you have would be valuable! I am particularly interested in story structure, pacing, ways to make the writing more impactful, any missed potential, and anything that bothered you or caused you to backclick.
Replying here or DW PM work.
Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 09:47 pm (UTC)Any level of bluntness is fine. I'd most like to hear about your thoughts on structure/pacing, what worked/didn't work, and what are the things I need to improve on, or anything else as you see fit, etc. I'd like to receive feedback through Dreamwidth PM. Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2020-09-05 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-09-06 12:48 am (UTC)Comments here or comments on AO3 are both welcome. Any level of bluntness is just fine by me.
I'm less interested in feedback on characterization (I feel pretty confident that my characterization is solid - though if you disagree, please feel free to mention that!) and more interested in feedback about the writing itself, how pleasant it is to read, and especially any comments you might have about how well my smut works.
I can definitely give feedback on the feedback if requested, and I'm happy to answer any questions that might help you provide better concrit.
Concrit for alamorn
Date: 2020-09-06 01:51 am (UTC)I am happy to receive feedback here or on the work in question, but if you post as a comment on the work, please mention concrit_x. Any level of bluntness is fine.
I have the most concerns about my pacing and how convincingly I write ships, but I'm interested in whatever impressions you're willing to share.
I'm happy to discuss your feedback, if that's something you would like!
no subject
Date: 2020-09-06 03:36 pm (UTC)For the fics that have original characters, or quasi-original characters like fleshed out Dragon Age PCs, I'd be particularly interested to hear readers' reactions to and thoughts and feelings about them. For both canon characters and OCs, I'm interested in whether it makes sense that they do and say the things they do, given your understanding of who they are and what's going on with them from both the fic itself and, if applicable, the canon. For fics that have action sequences, I'd be interested to hear how those flow, whether they're clear enough to follow, and whether they're engaging. For the one Utena fic, The Limitations of Wax, I'd like to hear about what kind of sense or meaning you got out of it and how you came to that conclusion. For any of my fics, I'd like feedback regarding what kind of emotional impact they have, if any: which characters you sympathize with and why, things that move you, things that leave you cold, etc. But please do feel free to mention anything at all that stands out to you in either a good or bad way.
Concrit for pendrecarc
Date: 2020-09-06 07:14 pm (UTC)I'd love feedback on complete works posted on AO3 after mid-2014. Filtered link here. For AO3 works, I'd prefer to get concrit here. Safe stories to exclude: Six Seeds; Red Sky at Morning; The Fine Print
If you've got loads of time and want to read a novel-length WIP, I'm working on a Regency f/f romance featuring identity porn, crossdressing, and marriage of convenience here:
Anything from gentle to extremely critical feedback is fine! I love writing pastiche and changing up my style based on the fandom and type of story. Would appreciate notes on how the chosen voice, POV, and style does or doesn't work. I'd also love comments on pacing, characterization, and clarity of plot. For exchange stories, I'm often trying to convey a sense of larger events/context in a limited number of words and would like to know if that is or isn't successful. For the novel-length WIP, a sense of when it gets bogged down or repetitive, or when something needs more time. I love wordsmithing, so detailed feedback on phrasing, sentence and paragraph structure, rhythm, etc. is welcome. (It's possibly less useful for the novel-length WIP, which is completely unedited, but I'm open to it.)
If you would find it helpful to get feedback on feedback, just say as much in your comment--happy to do that!
Re: Concrit for pendrecarc
Date: 2020-09-07 08:51 pm (UTC)If I find a sliver of time in my ridiculous work schedule during a 103 degree heatwave, I'll try my best to squeeze in a bit of feedback somewhere. Although I doubt it will be on the Regency fic. I love it too much. If you ever publish it somewhere, I will buy it in a heartbeat.
Re: Concrit for pendrecarc
Date: 2020-09-08 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-09-06 09:44 pm (UTC)Currently have works in: Stand Still Stay Silent, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Ouran High School Host Club, Psycho-Pass, Death Note.
I have some concerns regarding characterization and flow & sentence structure & word choice, but I would equally like general feedback - overall impression, suggestions, which parts worked for you, which didn’t, etc. The things I write are usually intended to convey a feeling rather than a story, so I would appreciate concrit on this, too. E.g. whether a feeling was evoked, and if so, was it successful, etc.
Feedback right here would be nice, and bluntness of any level is fine. (If there is stuff that did seem to work, though, I’d be happy to know about it in addition to the stuff that could be improved. But at the same time, there’s no need to sugarcoat.) Thank you so much.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-07 09:17 pm (UTC)I don't have any specific question to focus on--I figure feedback on things I didn't know to ask for could probably be helpful? Bluntness is fine as long as it's constructive, which I guess is a given since it's the aim of the comm. : )
I have a truckload of due South fic, and then mostly various rarelit, but I don't really write in due South anymore, so I'd rather have feedback in other fandoms. But I guess if you feel more inspired by one of the due South fics, go ahead!
(Maybe this lies outside the aim of the comm, but you are also very welcome to give feedback on my podfic, but only those from the last five years.)
no subject
Date: 2020-09-08 02:45 am (UTC)Most of those are on the longer side - I'd also take concrit on Body of Lies works, which are shorter.
Comments here or via email (unsettledink / gmail) are preferred. Any level of bluntness is acceptable. I LOVE to discuss feedback further, if that's an option.
I welcome any general impressions or thoughts. For more specific questions:
Smut: How is the blocking working?
Does it feel like there is a full range of sensory detailing?
If it worked for you, why? What was appealing about it?
General:
Did the summary do anything to pull you in or interest you? Did it give you a sense of what the fic was about, and was the fic what you expected?
Did you get a sense of any themes?
Does the title actively add to the fic, and/or does the context of it change after finishing?
Does it feel like the plot carries through the entire fic?
Do dialogue heavy sections lose a sense of setting?
Anything that pulled you out of the story, or really grabbed you positively? Any places your attention drifted or you started skimming, or were confused?
Did the ending feel earned, and as a reader did you feel satisfied with it?
How does the pacing of the beginnings feel?